twilight

a book series written by stephenie meyer that’s captured that heart of gazillions of teenaged girls around the world. it’s centered around the romance between isabella swan (bella), the awkward new girl in school, and edward cullen, a gorgeous vampire she meets. although the book is pretty addicting, it has to be the worse book i’ve ever read in terms of originality, clichés, plot, and writing.

cliché #1:
the new girl in school who is awkward and clumsy and terrible at everything. how many times have we seen and read this?

cliché #2:
the new girl falling in love with the hottest guy in school (edward). no one saw that coming.

cliché #3:
despite the new girl’s awkwardness and plain looks, the hottest guy in school falls in love with her. the epitome of originality, am i right? -sarcasm-

cliché #4:
the new girl is hopelessly in love with the hottest guy in school to the point where you want to slap her because she’ll do literally everything and anything the hottest guy in school will tell her to do just for him.

cliché #5:
the vampire (who is the hottest guy in school), despite his love for the new girl, thirsts for her blood and struggles to control his bloodl-st. wow.

cliché #6:
the vampire is a good vampire who doesn’t want to hurt humans, so he feeds off of animals instead. -cough- louis from interview with the vampire -cough-

cliché #7:
the vampire thinks he’s a monster and that the new girl should stay away from him if she values her life, but of course the new girl risks her life to be with him.

cliché #8:
the new girl would rather die than not be with the vampire, which is the stupidest thing anyone on this earth can ever say. yes, i understand she’s madly and hopelessly and stupidly in love with him, but you only get one life. she isn’t even considerate of the family members she would leave behind who would mourn her death.

there is no plot to the story. it’s just a bunch of events that happens between bella and edward.

the writing in the beginning is so plain, and even though it does get better, it’s still not good.

there’s no figuritive language and not much description. the only thing the author seems to describe is edward’s appearence. every other freaking sentence is talking about this muscular arms or smile or face or eyes or hair. it’s like she created this book to produce a bazillion teenaged fangirls who are obsessed with edward and don’t care about the rest of the story. there really is nothing original about this book. nothing that the author has come up with on her own.

it’s pretty much your cliche vampire romance novel.

despite all this, i still love it because it’s addicting, but terrible.

“omg! twiligh is the best book in the world! i absolutly heart edward! he’s totally mine!”

“no! he’s mine! i read the book first! so he’s mine first!”

“we’ll split him in half and share him!”

“wow….if you think twilight is the best book in the world…then, seriously, no comment.”

the diffused light from the sky during the early evening or early morning when the sun is below the horizon and its light is refracted by the earth’s atmosphere.
a book with no literary value whatsoever. it’s biggest fans tend to be fangirls who are in love with edward because they think he’s s-xy (despite the fact that he is merely a word).

there’s no character development at all, and the protaganist, bella swan, would die without edward, which leaves some of us to believe that she may, in fact, be a zombie due to the fact that she probably died sometime before the story even took place (thanks to her knack for falling in front of cars and other bullsh-t).

this book is so bad that i actually couldn’t stomach to read it. i read more of jane austen than i did of twilight. and i hate jane austen.

read this if you want to look like an idiot in front of someone who isn’t.
example of a conversation about a good book:

that was awesome, it really left me thinking differently and feeling differently… i think it really did make a difference/imprint/something.

example of a conversation about twilight:

edward is soooooo haaawwwttt <3<3<3<3 luvluvluvluvluv edward culleennnn i'm mrs. culllennn.... character development???? wtf is that!? a book written by stephanie meyer. the majority of the book is dialogue and lacks any use of literary devices and/or elements that truly make a story. with little to no description and two-dimensional characters that are the very definitions of "mary-sue" and "gary-stu," this story belongs on fanfiction.net, not in bookstores. she can't go five minutes without talking about how gorgeous edward is, and it's clear she's living out some sick, fangirl fantasy and getting money off of it. it's popularity is only based on the fact that edward cullen is supposedly "godly" and the s-xiest man alive. he's fictional and practically grey colored. get over it. bella is stupid. she's whiney and clingy, like most mary-sues. edward is has no personality. he needs to just bite the stupid girl already and get on with his sparkly-suicidal-vampire life. love stories are great, this however, is garbage. the way they fall in love is stupid and shallow and based on looks and l-st alone. what kind of message is that? it's trash. pure trash. please, go take an ap lit cl-ss or pick up a novel by austen or hurston and you'll understand...or maybe you won't, twilight fans tend to be lacking in brain cells. fangirl: omg edward cullen from twilight is sooooo hawt i wanna marry him! nonfan: i don't think vampires are supposed to sparkle though.... fangirl: omgwtfasldfjaosdihweonalsdgklahdsg!!!! edward is teh awesomeness!!! nonfan: ...and the book lacks any form or real character development... fangirl: omg edward is so hawt stfu! nonfan: uh...i think i'm going to go call 911... harry potter is better than this piece of junk! i hate it when all of the girls drool over edward cullen! and the plot is really shallow. and, it's harry potter's rival, and no one messes with harry potter! harry potter fights and kills bella and edward, proving that harry potter is better than twilight. a book that has garnered the affection of tweenies everywhere; it tells of the neurotic, paranoid relationship between two people. they are both jealous of their rivals and continually try to kill themselves to get out of their boring lives. neither has much of a personality to speak of though they find one another fascinating, possibly because they have never before met anyone as boring and one dimensional as themselves. an extract from twilight: "edward, what about rosalie?!" "she means nothing to me, but what about mike?!" "ugh you have nothing to worry about! please don't try to kill yourself again! i mean, i don't really like italy, maybe if the volturi could relocate to paris?" "isabella. i feel as though you are not taking me seriously. are you sh-gging jacob on the side??" probably one of the most popular books to hit the shelf in 2006, following through with 2007 sequals. many girls of their early teen years have absolutely fallen in love with this book, and it's caused a rabid swarm of binders and notebooks sporting the words 'i love edward cullen.' i blame the books on a higher rate of girls believing themselves to be dark and alone, and this book has caused quite a few of the people i know to believe they are vampires. despite the length of the books, i find it to be a fairly poor piece of literature. i have read the first two, and the two main characters completely lack origionality. bella is nothing but a sniveling girl who takes advantage of some people, and then grovels at the feet of others. edward is obviously a vampire thirsty for, ironically, bella's blood, and at the same time he is abstinant from drinking from humans. in all sense edward should draw himself away from such a 'dangerous'individual-- that or eat her. many people fail to notice that the characters circulating around the main pair, such as alice, jasper, jacob, and the rest of the crew are a lot more interesting, and less involved in cliche lives to match those of the main characters. in any case. it's an entertaining book to read when you have nothing else to do, but there are many better books to read. twilight fanatic: i'm an edwardist. i love edward. are you? me: no, personally i'm more partial to jasper. twilight fanatic: well i love bella too. they're so great together! me: actually, i think alice is a much better character in the series. the relationship that she has with jasper is cuter, more secretive, and i find a whole lot more interesting to read about. twilight fan: ...yeah... well -denial- the synthesis (or line, if it is it is knida blurry), of light and dark that begins with the ending of the day and the beginning of darkness. or, the change from dark to light. the twilight was suddenly upon us and we were cuaght in an abyss if chaos. ←