Union

where did the word ‘union’ come from?

the word ‘union,’ in the sense of a ‘labor union,’ has a most interesting origin.

its first known usage was in reference to a band of ne’er-do-well field hands in the east suffolk broads about 1762. but it was not pr-nounced as it is today.

sounding more like ‘onion,’ the term was applied because of the field hands’ skill at avoiding the labor they were hired to do. whenever there was hard work in the offing, these ‘onionists’ would begin clamoring to go to the adjoining field to take a leek.

the term quickly won widespread acceptance and beame a source of endless mockery and derision. humiliated, the early onionists worked desperately to erase the moniker but it stuck like glue.

about 1797, however, they perfected and bankrolled a scheme where, working in concert with smythe-scrimshaw (one of london’s largest lexicograpical publishers), they managed to change the accepted pr-nunciation to what it is today.

their plan took some seven years to unfold and was far too complicated to explain here but history records they finally brought an end to popular knowledge of their earliest and most favored pursuits.
the first union troglodytes built the pyramids. engineers designed it to be a cube but, as each shift did a little less than the one before, the last said, ‘let’s just throw a couple of rocks up top and go have a beer.’
lazy american workers who, through their -ssociation with the mafia and south american drug cartels, claim they have “the right not to work.”
mike: “hey jeff i jost got word gm is laying me off!”
jeff: “have fun sitting around in the breakroom for 9 months on company time. remember, the teamsters union afforded you the right to be a lazy -ss.”
mike: “oh great jeff! by the way, hows that indian call center job going?”
the only reason a person with no college education or skills can earn $25 an hour for unskilled labor while sitting around and doing nothing, showing up for work late or drunk, calling in sick half the time and without concern for punishment, taking a very long lunch and like 5 breaks, and getting most holidays off while having the audacity to complain and demand more from his company and go on strike about his company’s alleged “unfair” working conditions. the only thing that would be “fair” is for the company to kick the union and its lazy employees like this to the curb and replace them with hardworking people who would be grateful to have such high pay and benefits for unskilled work.

i hate the union! all labor unions are antiquated, corrupt, useless and a detrement to corporate america. the union(s) are also the reason so many industrial jobs in this country are going to mexico and china.
a black hole that you’re forced to throw money into if you belong to one. one never really knows where it all ends up, and no one may never will.
karl: what the h-ll’s with these deductions from my paycheck.

mary: well the unions hungry again.
an -ssociation that uses thuggery, hooliganism, bribery and blackmail to get the wage level raised above its true value for lazy workers
those dumb union workers at the printers drove all the print shops out of business and then had no jobs at all
the reason why my job is going to india.
rambabu: steve, why are you the only american programmer working at visa in foster city?
steve: because unions aren’t allowed here and business lobbyists got their way in congress.
rambabu: why does a programmer need to make $40 an hour out here, while programmers in india do well on $3 an hour?
steve: unions allow workers to get paid more for doing less, which raises taxes and construction costs, while destroying education.
a smoke break from work.
hey mike! i’m gonna take a union and also blow up a bottle of “the works” in the parking lot. you should check it out!