university of toronto

1. best known as the harvard of canada and a member of the “canadian ivey leagues”, known for its academic prowess.

2. the first university in the world to maximize profits by accepting even those students it would normally reject through periperal second-rate campuses in scarborough and mississauga.

3. home to the nation’s greatest m-s-ch-sts who slave away sleep deprived and stress -ridden for mediocre grades while their peers drink booze and party at other universities, only to discover upon graduation that none of it mattered.
university of toronto student: omg wtf that guy from ryerson got the job! i spent 4 years being a no-life, phoning my professors every weekend asking for research positions during the summer, worked my -ss off, graduated with a 3.5 gpa and i still didn’t get the job.

ryerson kid: dude, i showed up to cl-ss and got a 4.0.
the next best thing to higher learning.

“hey, are you going to university this year?”

“no. i’m going to the university of toronto.”
see., awesome

u of t is a huge research university in downtown toronto. the student population is diverse and pretty smart. what i mean by that is that there are a lot of asians.

when students are asked what university they go to, some just say ‘i got to school in toronto’. that’s because it’s the only university in toronto that actually matters. i’d list the other schools, but i forgot them.

this way of answering ‘where do you go university’ with a city name should not be confused with the reason why mcgill students answer with ‘montreal’. mcgill students tell people they went to school in montreal because they are too embarr-ssed to admit they actually went to mcgill.
i go to the university of toronto because mcgill girls are ugly and they smoke crack at york.
the university of toronto (u of t) is a large research oriented school located in toronto, ontario, canada.

u of t prides itself on being the most academically intensive school in the country and, generally speaking, they are correct. unfortunately, everything else about the university sucks.

despite what u of t students and faculty may tell you, it is not the “harvard of the north,” that distinction goes to mcgill. (sorry queen’s)

the admissions averages are lower than that of “easier” schools such as uwo, queen’s, and mcgill because no one wants to go there. there is no student community, and no social scene. the student body is very unattractive, and most are virgins when they graduate.

speaking of graduates, the ones u of t produces are pathetic: they have zero real world skills, and despite their “vastly superior education!!!!!,” are unable to find jobs; that is until some enterprising waterloo alum realizes that u of t graduates make excellent code monkeys if kept locked in a back room and fed a steady diet of study drugs and u of t alumni newsletters.

if you want to become a businessman, go to western. if you want to become a doctor, go to mcgill. if you want to become a lawyer, go to queen’s. if you want to become an insecure, friendless, virgin loser, who will forever cling to the security blanket known as “prestige,” go to the university of toronto; if that’s your goal, there truly is no better school anywhere in canada or the world.
western grad: i went to uwo. i slept with 25 new women each year, i played on the football team, i partied my -ss off, and now i make 125k a year as a investment banker.

queen’s grad: i went to queen’s. i killed it in undergrad and i met my wife in law school. together we started our own law firm and are now happily married with 2 kids and a black lab.

mcgill grad: i went to mcgill. during school i tore up the nightclubs in montreal, the coolest city in canada and one of the best in the world. i graduated summa c-m laude, went to medical school, and now i save lives for a living.

university of toronto grad: yeah well i went to u of t, the best school in the country. during school i stayed home every weekend, studied my -ss off, and still graduated with a 2.7 gpa. i met no girls, went to no parties, and couldn’t get into graduate school. today i’m a personal accountant for a banker, a lawyer, and a doctor.
a post-secondary inst-tution in toronto where people go to get a piece of paper that is supposed to earn them a tiny bit of prestige.

pros: some nice architecture, pretty flexible due dates (in the humanities at least), central location, profs usually know what they’re talking about, huge -ss libraries.

cons: some ugly-as-sh-t buildings, elitist/b-tchy cl-ssmates (who also come with a hint of cl-ssism), nonexistent social scene.

neutral: profs mark a bit harder compared to other inst-tutions, but with loose due dates it doesn’t actually make a difference.
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studenta: where are you going next year?

studentb: i’m going to the university of toronto! so prestigious, eh?

studenta: well, i’m going to “insert ivy league here”, so suck it.

studentb: t.t
university of toronto is one of the most elite inst-tutions in the world. also referred to as the harvard of the north thus being the top of the canadian ivy leagues and the top choice of anyone who is ‘anyone’. the campus is located in the luxurious upper side of down town toronto.the pure definition of cl-ss, a school of beautiful, well dressed, and smart individuals who possess an elite sense of worth.
university of toronto students don’t have to think they are better then everyone who dosen’t go to uoft. they are better.
john: hey man did you get into university of toronto?
james: no…
john: oh really? wow.
james: arn’t you going to ask where i got in?
john: does it matter?
a university with 3 campuses across ontario. the school is lauded within toronto as being very prestigious, and students are actually taught to snub their noses at other universities and colleges, regardless of academic merit. in many cases, u of t students tend to get an inflated ego from the schools over zealous and sometimes irrationally pompous att-tude towards calling itself “the harvard of the north”.

such -ssumptions are generally debated and won by the fact that the u of t campuses consists of utsc (scarborough campus), uoft (downtown) and ute (erindale/mississauga) – this last campus is in mississauga, which is not part of toronto and thus shows how idiotic the administration and overall management of the school is.

some u of t students are able to graduate without developing a high ego, but many of the students – primarily those who go to the downtown campus, often end up with an inflated sense of worth – only to graduate and end up working for their peers who attended other universities.
u of t student: i think i would be great for this job.
employer: looks good, so what university did you go to?
u of t student: university of toronto.
employer: excellent, uoft has prepared you well for this job. welcome abord!
u of t student: when do i start?
employer: right now!

u of t student employed: do you want fries with that?
customer: h-ll no!

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