utica

the city that g-d forgot
this city sucks, it reminds me of utica
a sh-thole. located right in the middle of new york state and centrally located 5 hours away from 3 major cities (just far enough to be out of reach). most people living there are either r-t-rded or want to get the h-ll out. did i mention it sucks?
winter’s in utica are proof that h-ll freezes over
like being dead, but without the fun.
“i died and went to utica.”

“utica failed in its bid to be twinned with pluto”
often thought of as new york state’s worst city. debatable, but certainly not out of the realm of possibility. city of about 52,000. incredibly lame. often, the people there have an ironic attachment to their dead city. no jobs at all. no skyline. people there don’t seem to like to read, either because their library is open for maybe 10 hours each week.
“dude, can we stop in utica so i can get some insulin?”

“i’m afraid not. utica is a sh-thole and it is better for you to die than go to utica.”

“you’re right.”
a dying city in upstate new york’s rust belt, situated in the verdant mohawk valley, just south of adirondack park. utica has a significant population of italian and polish americans and has recently seen a substantial influx of bosnian immigrants, who have injected a semblance of economic vigor and opportunity to the city. mouseketeer annette funicello was born in utica. she got out young.
utica: at least it’s not sarajevo!
small, once promising upstate new york city. now looks like missile testing grounds. home of the original “big wig” wanna-bes and wacky, limp politicians that trade offices every election. site of corruption and future m-ssive power line. using plywood as window dressing is catching on, as well as being almost totaly jobless.
“utica is relatively equivelent to a banana republic, don’t move there and if you must drive by on the new york state thruway, roll up your windows, close heater/air vents, and lock the doors.
a city in central new york.

summers are marked by hot, humid weather; winters by ice, snow that never melts, and -20 degree (f) weather.

despite its lack of distinguishing features, utica has several upsides:

1. the recent host of the simple plan, good charlotte & reliant k “noise to the world” tour
2. the krock-athon, an annual summer event inviting many of the hottest rock bands for an all day event
3. the boilermaker, a summer race that attracts hundreds of people world-wide.

when any of these events are not taking place, though, utica remains just another dusty city that america forgot.
most, if not all people, want to leave it.
dude, let’s go to utica!

…no.

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