Vapour Lock

the primary cause of snoring in men.

when a man lies on his back to sleep, his b-lls drop over his -rs-hole, blocking the main south vent and causing vapour lock. the resultant build-up of burps, farts, heavy exhalation fractions, digestive fumes, beer gas, and weed smoke, then has to be vented to atmosphere by alternative means, which requires his gut gremlins to re-route the gases being expelled back through the primary inhalation channel.

fortunately this is possible because the exhaust gases, being warmer than the incoming air, rise to the upper half of the esophaegus, and the two vapour streams are able to p-ss each other going opposite directions in the same pipe.

the actual sound of snoring is comprised of millions of tiny gas molecule voices shouting at each other on the way past. the incoming ones are shouting “oo, poo, you stink,” or variations thereof, and the outgoing ones are calling back “f-ck you pinky, you don’t know sh-t and you’re gonna get fisted.”

snoring can be avoided completely by the judicious use of a suitable t-st-cl- rest which keeps the b-tthole uncovered and open. naturally however this means that a man employing such a device tends to fart more in his sleep.

women don’t like us snoring, but they whinge and moan about the alternative as well. this is because they are essentially moaning b-tches with p-n-s envy and were born unhappy, but we still love them.
first woman: “my man is such a pig, whenever he lies on his back to sleep he snores like a walrus chewing a mouthful of wasps.”

2nd woman: “he’s got vapour lock, silly. i bet he has really big b-lls.”

1st: (blushes) “well, yes, and he can fart like a trojan too, but only when he’s standing up.”

2nd: “i wish i had a p-n-s.”

1st: “me too.”

(they both sigh)
(noun/verb)

1) a term for a woman copulating with three men at the same time

2) when a baghead becomes overcome from paint thinner fumes and has a seizure

3) the third most common cause of car stallage in the us, according to joe namath
1) 3 guys are sniffing around that lonely milf. she’s gonna be vapour-locked good!

2) lucius: i say walter, this ronseal is rather moreish, it’s clearing my sinuses and my mind is positively swimming! walter…what are you…oh sh-t

3) there’s nothing funny about vapour lock
when a woman has s-x with three men simultaneously. or with three p-n-s subst-tutes simultaneously. more specifically, one in the box, one in the yap and one in the back door.
“this charming girl that we met last night invited us back to her hotel room, and we vapour locked her.”