veloscillator


combination of velocity and oscillator. used to describe a driver on the same road as you, usually a lonely highway. you’re traveling at a constant rate of speed, but that other jerk will go a little faster than you, p-ss you, and you’ll be rid of him…but then he decides he’s going too fast and lets off on his gas…then his car slowly makes his way back to you, and you p-ss him…then he speeds up and p-sses you…and then slows down….and over and over again. usually ends up with you flooring your accelerator and putting so much distance between you that he can never catch up. usually an old person, or someone from up north whose mind doesn’t work quite right.
me, to wife: what the h-ll is that guy doing?
wife: who?
me: that douche right there. i p-ssed his slow -ss two miles back and he’s crept up on me…now he’s p-ssing me. why does he keep changing speeds? he’s a veloscillator!
wife: don’t let it eat you up inside. put some love in your heart.
me: now what is he doing? he’s slowed down and i have to look at his dumb face again!
wife: well, he’s behind you now. you sure are handsome.
me: look at him! now he’s p-ssing me! is he in love with me? is my profile that awesome??!?!
wife: well, actually it is. he might have a crush on you.
me: look at this guy! now i’ve p-ssed him….i’m so sick of this sh-t! vrrrooooommm…..let’s see this -sshole catch me now!

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