Viola

a glorious stringed instrument that creates a rich, warm tone when played, unlike the violin which can sound like someone is strangling a cat — sometimes several cats. either orchestras have barely any violas, or so many they have no idea what to do with all of them.
hey, how big is your viola section?
about fifteen, this year.
good, maybe you can drown out the violins. how many of them are there?
about sixteen.
yes! we’re coming up!
the world’s greatest instrument when it comes to orchestras. many people say that the viola is the target of most of the orchestra jokes, but the truth is that almost every joke has an insert instrument name herescenario. besides, how could anyone hate violas? violins are like icing on a cake. it’s nice, but if you have to much of it, you want to throw up. the 2nd best orchestra instrument is the cello, the 3rd best is the b-ss, and the worst is the violin.
studies show that the more violas you have in an orchestra, the better the orchestra is. the viola offers a rich sound, not as high pitched, screachy, and annoying as a violin, but higher than a cello and more portable. as an added bonus, it’s easier to whack other people with it and its bow because both weigh more than a violin.
the only down side to a viola vs. a violin is that a violin can play fiddle/celtic music easier because it is lighter. then again, most rock bands that incorporate orchestra/cl-ssical music into their songs use more violas than violins because they’re cooler and deeper sounding. oh, and by the way, for those of you that pr-nounce it “vigh-ola”, it’s really pr-nounced “vee-ola”, so get it right, cuz it’s really f-ckin’ annoying.
person 1: what’s the difference between violins and grapes?
person 2: idk, what?
person 1: you have to take your shoes off to stomp on grapes.
person 2: f-ck youm, i’m a violinist!
person 1: -stomp- viola pride, b-tch!
one of the five major stringed instruments. tuned in a middle register, exactly an octave higher than the cello. music written primarily in alto clef, occasionally treble. the brunt of many, many jokes.
what do you do with a dead viola player? move him back a desk.

but why are viola jokes so short? so violin players can understand them.
a beautiful instrument with a s-xy tone and is way better than the whiney violin.
that viola is so s-xy
a four stringed instrument that kicks -ss! viola’s rule, violins only play high notes, viola’s play those sweet low tunes that would make you fall asleep.
“hey did you hear the viola’s part?”

“yeah, it was sooooooooo beautiful, while the violin’s part completely broke my eardrums.”
an instrument that is used by people who actually have skill, unlike those wussy violins.
violin player: omfg violin is teh roxxor!

viola player: um…no….shutup, you have no talent.
the best instrument in the world. we don’t suck. well, not all of us do. very mellow sounding and beautiful. all of those viola jokes were made by violinists, so they wouldn’t get made fun of for theyre c-cky-ness and concietedness
dude, that viola player is hott.

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