Visalia

one of the best cities to live in. where teen preganancy rates are the highest, meth labs can be found in most neighborhoods, and most of the male adults are habitual marijuana smokers. these habbits are regularly p-ssed down to the children. a city whose finest highschools compete for cow skins, and p-ss the time cruising mooney while smoking a joint. the suck, once you leave, you will come back. a place where your wildest dreams will not come true, however, your wildest dreams will keep you happy enough to love visalia to the end.
where are you from?
-im from visalia motherf-cker
where is that?
-if you dont know, then you dont need to know
a small farm town that treasures its fertile land and women. currently has one of the highest teenage pregnancy rates in the nation and air quality that makes la seem clean. its inhabitants’ offspring typically get educated at schools that battle over cow hides and drink in abandon fields, typically close to ditches. visalians are cl-ssified as those who leave or those who stay. those that leave can be found in random of places through out the world.
you are from visalia? where the h-ll is that?
the most glorious of all farm towns in the central valley of california. also one of the most polluted areas in the nation. the summers are too hot and the winters are too cold. but hey…its home!
“dude!!! i hate visalia!! but i’ll probably spend the rest of my life here anyways”
the sh-ttiest little town ever. a place where most everything closes at 9 pm causing extreme boredom to anyone between the ages of 14-25. this causes people to have lots and lots of s-x which explains why visalia has one of the highest teen pregnancy rates in the nation. cows and goats are commonly seen in extremely random places throughout the town and their smell is constantly potent. there are more lifted trucks here than any other place in the world. most people are “bros” or “brohoes.” for fun, people often chill in the mccheveron or bj’s parking lot, drink alcohol or snort coak in garages, or take sl-tty pictures and post them on facebook.

most people in visalia are really, really dumb- that’s really the only reason why they would choose/be forced to remain in the town.

statistics:

teen pregnancy rate: extremely high
people who use b-mp-its: extremely high
english speakers: below average
crackheads: extremely high
food stamp users: extremely high
fat people: extremely high
me: “i’m from visalia.”

you: “…i’m sorry…”
the city in which the rapper pills came from. where mainly mid cl-ss familys that try to raise their children to the best of their ability, but fail, live! here you can cruise mooney blvd. like u could the strip in las vegas
i dont know about that visalia place, old folks be walking their dogs at the same time and place as gangsters are selling drugs.
a big town city with a small town feel. an awesome public transit system, that we will all be using soon, because it is to expensive to drive to school anymore! with our awesome visalia mall, regal theaters, and a church on every corner! that is what makes visalia the best! omg! i forgot, starbucks on every corner! yes! tooney is the best! sorry wakers, your too stuffy! located between fresno and bakersfield, flanked by famville, ex, and i-hoe, t-larry who could ask for more?
teenager:mom, can i got to my friends, drive to school, go to the visalia mall?
(omg! i am not awake yet! look at her expression, here it comes, the lecture, noooo…)(expression of painful anxiety)
mom:no! how can you even think of this when gas prices our almost $5.oo a gallon? omg! when i was a kid, gas only cost 50 cents a gallon? that means my tank would only cost $7.50 to fill up then, now it costs $55.00. get the map out! now, you must drive exactly like this, on this route, and no, you cannot double back under any cirucmstances! maybe i should just get you a bus p-ss, how does that sound?
a city located in the central valley of california. where chris pimps his hoes…
visalia is a cr-ppy place to live.

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