Vodka Mom

a mother who discreetly uses vodka as a “mother’s little helper” because it’s the most easily disguisable alcoholic beverage. typically sports well-groomed hair, fresh lipstick and enormous sungl-sses at all times to hide sunken, bloodshot eyes. speaks in a carefully enunciated manner to cover up any telltale slurring. quickly fluctuates from being embarr-ssingly effusive (e.g. “oh look at my baby, all grown up and going to prom. come give me a big kiss!”) to having angry outbursts that may include a threat to “knock you into next christmas” or the hurling of whatever object is within arm’s reach at the target of her ire. recognizable by her carefully crafted appearance intended to maintain the illusion of being “pulled together”, a vodka mom is, in fact, always at least “half in the bag”.
“omg, jennifer’s mother is such a vodka mom. she baked us some cookies but burned them, so she took the whole smoking tray out of the oven and threw them against the wall. then she screamed at us to ‘get the h-ll out of my house!'”

“check out that lady in the car next to us. she looks like such a vodka mom. it’s two in the afternoon during a snowstorm and she’s wearing those huge sungl-sses!”