white conservative christian derangement syndrome

though the ultimate causes of wccds are unknown, it is believed to result from situations where an individual’s beliefs about the way the world is and ought to be differ significantly from available evidence about the way the world actually is. it is frequently accompanied by inexplicable feelings of persecution and a pr-nounced tendency toward tribalism. wccds is named for its prevalence among conservative members of the majority white-christian demographic in the united states.

symptoms of white conservative christian derangement syndrome include mistrust of foreigners and people of different ethnic backgrounds; mistrust of the united nations; fourth grade understanding of both world and united state history; little or no understanding of science, yet stubborn need to form opinions about it; inconsistent att-tudes concerning the policies of liberal and conservative politicians (e.g. may favor a policy under conservative leadership, yet reject similar policy initiatives under liberal leadership); belief that the bible is literally true and accurate, and therefore supersedes other types of information; belief that ayn rand’s science fiction books are serious academic treatments of sociological and economic problems.
“what’s the diagnosis doc?”

“well, you report feelings of persecution which you link to a ‘socialist dictator president’. is that correct?”

“yes.”

“you believe companies attempting to appeal to broader consumer demographics by saying ‘happy holidays’ rather than ‘merry christmas’ const-tutes an attack on your religious values and liberties?”

“yessir!”

“the idea of marriage equality represents – in your words – an ‘-ssault on traditional marriage and the const-tution’?”

“that’s right.”

“you believe in a ‘politically motivated scientific establishment’, that anthropogenic climate change and darwinian evolution are hoaxes, and that your religious beliefs about the way the world was created should be taught in public science cl-ssrooms?”

“absolutely.”

doctor removes gl-sses, looks gravely at patient. “i fear you have contracted white conservative christian derangement syndrome. at this point, we simply do not have a cure.”

patient breaks into sloppy, stuttered sobbing. “what can i do doc?”

“at this point, the best i can do is recommend you refrain from watching fox news, listening to conservative talk radio, and visiting websites like drudge and wnd. perhaps try visiting your local library, checking out books on science and history. all we can do after that is wait and hope.”