Zayn Malik

undeniable s-x god. he is thought to be very vain, but i would be too if i looked like jesus sliding down a rainbow to get to a magical pot of s-xiness. he is extraordinarily talented and is better known as dj malik or bradford boi. his favorite saying is “vas happenin?!” he was born in bradford, the city of gods. he is perfectly imperfect and directioners (mainly from tumblr) will personally come to your house and kick your -ss if you believe otherwise. we are the deadliest of all fandoms.
directionator: zayn malik is so hot, too bad he sucks at singing.
doctor: so, she jumped into ten knives?
an incredibly hot member of the band one direction, which formed on the popular tv singing show, the x-factor.
girl 1: so, who’s your favourite from one direction?
girl 2: obviously zayn malik!
girl 1: omg me too, he is so hot!
he is a s-x god from the planet s-xurus. he is beautiful and he has a strong relationship with his mirror. he uses like 50 cans of hairspray on his s-xually attractive hair. <3 many girls ship zirror because it is 100% true love. guy: who is this hot s-xually s-xy one? me: -not looking who he is talking about and just asumes its zayn- oh that s-xy one is zayn malik s-x. friend: who's zayn malik? me: s-x, just s-x. the most perfect specimen to ever exist. his face is scientifically symmetrical, his eyelashes are longer than covergirl mascara models, his eyes sparkle brighter than sirius, his jaw line is so sharp it's offensive, his stubble grows faster than men in their 30s, his hairline is low signifying that he will never bald, his nose is ideal, his lips are pinker than freshly blossomed petunias, his skin is soft and wears no signs of scarring nor does it have remnants of bad genetics or hormone imbalance. unlike his entourage, he requires no makeup. he doesn't need for his hair to be bleached to make his eyes stand out, or heavy foundation to cover up acne scars, ruddiness or awful smile lines and crows feet. he has the voice of an angel. he can go from smooth ballad singer, to r&b crooner, to rock-star in minutes with the most versatile voice in music industry. a voice so angelic that he has garnered praise from celebrities and music directors alike. a voice so beautiful that fans of niel whoran (a backup dancer for zayn malik) m-st-rb-t- to imagining the dancer singing it instead of zayn (as niel has neither a face or voice capable of getting anyone off). he makes members of his entourage look like frumpy prep-b-scent children with bad genetics only hollywood styling can conceal. he's often seen travelling the globe with his backup dancer, niel whoran; betsy styles, his lesbian personal chef, louis tomlinson, his chauffeur; and loki, his personal trainer. the word 'zayn malik' can be used when describing or referring to something that is perfect. synonyms: perfect, adonis, amazing, flawless, 10/10, g-d-like. dude, your quiff is so zayn malik. i have never seen a hairstyle that nice! wow, betsy, this fois gras is cooked to zayn malik! niel wishes he looked as zayn malik as zayn malik. brb, jerking off to the zayn malik song that is "summer love" imagining niel singing it because it is so zayn malik and will give me the most zayn malik -rg-sm while i scream "yes...yess..this is zayn malik...yes...zayn...malik" zayn malik should go solo and follow the steps of miguel, the weeknd, and frank ocean. he has such a zayn malik voice. a hot gay boy from the band one direction. rumor has it, he cares more about his hair products than his own mother. he has diarrhea at least once every two days, due to his fear of being touched by poor people. he is flawless, like a unicorn peeing sparkling water. zayn malik resembles a 4 year old gymnastics girl with yeast infection.