78th base

step 1. get more sh-tfaced than you’ve ever been in your entire life.
step 2. find someone you’ve only ever met once, like that one m-ssive b-tch from highschool who always used to f-ck that one f-ckm-ffin at school but everyone secretly wanted to f-ck anyway.
step 3. using telepathy to brainwash her and/or the threat of killing her entire family with your jackhammer shoes, get her drunk off her -ss.
step 4. go back in time and double check that she’s still a good lay while she’s drunk.
step 5. come back to the present. if step 4 showed she’s no good in bed while drunk, start over at step 1.
step 6. if step 4 showed that she’s still good in bed even while drunk, engage in at least 17.32 bases with her.
step 7. eat pi.
step 8. eat pie.
step 9. use your reality warping superpowers to bring comic book and/or video game characters to life that you want to f-ck.
step 10. f-ck the characters you brought to life in step 9.
step 11. repeat at least 41 more times.
step 12. engage in base 42.
craig: “yo, jake, you’ll never guess where i’ve been for the past week and a half.”

jake: “you’re absolutely right, craig. i won’t guess.”

craig: “fine. whatever. i’ll just tell you. i got to 78th base.”

jake: “… what the f-ck is wrong with you, man? why are we even friends? and how the f-ck do you even eat pi?”