adamthehorse

a strapping young lad with a devil may-care att-tude and a song in his heart. sn-tcher of sandwiches, swigger of protein shakes, and the left hand of god.
lets go to safeway with adamthehorse!
hmmm, nah, i’d rather beat up infidel indians with adamthehorse
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inventor. born june 23, 1754 in chesterfield, ireland; died february 11, 1888 in pritsk, russia.

credited with the ideas for marijuana, cardboard, the female period, languages, india, dance, the electric car, binary code, antimatter, textbooks, oranges, the model t, the bench press, chris fowler, typing, good looking girls, water (leading to great developments in the soap industry, and tripling puppy production), fear factor, webbed feet, and magic.
“adamthehorse, come out of the lab you crazy scientist!”
“no… not until i discover the cure for elf wart!”
horse motherf-ckers. don’t say sh-t to adam, you might regret ever living. some hobbies of his are punching through concrete, eating shards of gl-ss, and branding himself. even his own mom approaches him with caution.

“adam! don’t!”
“f-ck you mom! you’re sandwiches suck!”
now shes dead!!!!!!!!!!!!

talk about suave; “bethesda’s best” f-cks any girl he wants. last week there was a line. girls even call his room “the rodeo”.
guy 1- who is that?
guy 2- i dono for sure, but my sister calls him king adam
guy 1- yea same…
the king of walt whitman high shool. he rules it with an iron fist on top of his throne in the math office.
guy1: “dude, do you think we can like, steal this chalk?”
guy2: “uhhh you better think twice about that man… thats adam brooks’s chalk… he might kick your -ss”
a priest, a medicine man, a witchdoctor, a god among men! adamthehorse cured me of polio and cancer, and raised my dog missy from the dead. i owe him for all my happiness.
zach: “adamthehorse… how did you do that?”
adamthehorse: “i possess the healing powers of nature zach.”
zach: “omg”
-zach p-sses out from over-excitement; adamthehorse calls an ambulance and flees the scene-
the real vice president of walt whitman’s sga. election rigged by ms. webster, now lives in a cave, plotting his triumphant return to whitman’s political stage. invented pot, defeated the british, abolished slavery, landed on the mooon.
guy 1: “i heard theyre making a new men in black movie starring adamthehorse.”
guy 2: “that sounds like a hit”
guy 3: “i heard he plays darth brooks in star wars 3”
guy 1: “true true”
the baddest man on the planet, born with superhero strength and the heart of a lion. defender of the weak; champion of the poor and needy. lover of many ladies. some say the best….
guy 1: “adam the horse, you are so cool”
guy 2: “yea. you really are.”
adamthehorse: “thanks guys. but no time for small talk–i have to go save an old woman or something and then bang some chick”