Amherst, MA

a small, self-professed liberal town in western m-ssachusetts. amherst has a population of about 35,000 and a median age of 21.8, thanks to um-ss, amherst college, and hampshire college. a town that prides itself on believing strongly in diversity, 76.7% of the population is white, with only 6.2% hispanic and 5.1% black. the government is a town meeting with select board members, which are overwhelmingly white.

the residents and parents in amherst are so concerned about political correctness that they pet-tioned to prevent the high school from performing west side story, because the play portrayed puerto rico and hispanics in a negative light. instead, the high school put on a production of guys and dolls, which is one of the most s-xist musicals ever written.

if you attend a choral performance in amherst, each of the following will probably be on the bill:
-at least one song from africa
-at least one song in a different language, probably more than that, probably one in yiddish (most of the performers will have no clue what they are singing)
-at least one song about loving each other and/or peace, and will most likely be related to diversity
-none of the songs will be overtly christian, in order to include everyone

amherst once had a madonald’s, but it went out of business, in part because it was next to antonio’s (which sells pizza by the slice until about 1:30am, with anything you could ever think of for a topping).
amherst is a suburb of itself. leave the city limits, and you find yourself surrounded by cornfields, cow farms, and tiny hill towns.
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probably the only town in america where the local tv station chose to air aljazeera coverage and commentary of 9-11 the week of the 10th anniversary.

amherst can be distinguished from other towns in the u.s. by the same name in several ways: 1) the “h” is silent; 2) your neighbors’ s-xuality is made your business; 3) the monstrous sense of ent-tlement leaves visitors breathless and dumbstruck; 4) the clergy preach legalism or humanism instead of the gospel; 5) defiance is the prevailing sentiment, and 6) the residents believe they are the holy standard by which all other humans should be judged.

amherst, m-ssachusetts is the best place to make one’s disrespectful, rebellious dreams come true.
“we’re the people’s republic of amherst, ma, and we’re going to secede one day, just you wait!”