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an indisputably awesome food that is versatile, healthy, and manly. useful in salads, mexican food, baked potatoes, s-x, omelettes, and even popcorn. also invaluable in a vegetarian/vegan diet. 95 percent of avocados grown in the us come from california.

should be considered the most manly food ever due to these facts:

at one point, it was also known as the alligator pear. your p-n-s is already jealous.

its name is derived from the aztec word for t-st-cl-.

a small avocado provides one’s body with more usable protein than a huge steak because the proteins in the steak are deranged and mostly unavailable to the liver.

women love it on their faces.

note: despite the belief of some, the so-called “popular belief” that the avocado is a vegetable is (1) not common at all, and (2) better applied to the more common and wimpy tomato. hence, the use of the term “avocado” to describe a h-m-s-xual who appears heteros-xual is misplaced and not warranted.
actually, us vegans get more protein. props to avocados.

you made guacamole?! i love you!
a person/group of people you want to avoid at all costs. avocados are basically the people on your hitlist, normally acc-mulated over the course of four years at mount st. mary’s university and eventually smashed into a delicious guacamole pulp.
common characteristics of avocados are:

1) sh-tfaced manwh-r-s who act like they’re the sh-t, yet somehow manage to never get laid
2) grenades who are obsessed with their own flat flabby -sses

3) fat -ss dudes who have girlfriends yet screw around with drunk college girls on the weekend, then brag about it to everyone on campus

4) no b–bs, no b-tt, pudgy–ss belly, creepy bis-xual/serial killer/zombie girls who try to get in threesomes with girls with big t-ts

5) dumb-ss juiceheads who check out their muscles in the mirror in the weightlifting room, m-st-rb-t- to pictures of themselves, show up to cl-ss high off their -sses yet expect to become dentists after flunking introductory biology
6) sh-t-d-cked jerks who brag about being heavyweights yet choke on two shots of jack and think a couple of college girls will blow them for free because their firefighters
7) psycho females who invite themselves places, demand gas money for dragging you on pointless road trips only they gave a sh-t about going to, get drunk on church wine and overall act childish in public
used to describe a person, particularly a man, who is socially construed as straight by those around him/her, but in actuality is gay. someone who goes undected on the gaydar spectrum. thick, deceptive skin on outside, but a fruit on the inside. based on the avocado being widely misnomered as a vegetable, when it is indeed a fruit.
amber: i had no idea that jerry was gay! he seems so…so… hetero!

omar: yeah. everyone thinks that. he’s an avocado.
a bad mood. used by person b to get around a person a’s defensive denials, when person a doesn’t want to admit to being in a bad mood.
a: “there’s no reason to be angry.”
b (heatedly): “i’m not angry!”
a: “okay, you’re not angry, you’re annoyed. can you stop being so annoyed?”
b (heatedly): “i’m not annoyed!”
a: “fine, then you’re avocado. stop being avocado and we can talk about this.”
when a vegetarian gives up on plants and goes back to eating meat
or when someone tries to lay off of healthy food

(its like going commando with vegetables
instead of underwear.)
jose-hey bob you hear what happened to john?
bob-yeah i hear hes going avocado
my boyfriend, also known as:
3rd cousin twice removed from the duke of turkey&cheese
the brother of the royal cook
and dethroned princess
hey avocado! what’s up?
the fruit of a tree which grows in tropical and subtropical regions of the world. the tree produces fruit up to three times a year, given the right conditions, and is hardy enough to withstand cold nights as low as 26 degrees fahrenheit. the fruit is typically green, but some varieties can be yellow, red, and purple. the fruit contains one large seed, which is surrounded by an oily yellowish-green flesh that is soft and mildly sweet when properly ripened.
the avocadoes sold at your local store taste like sh-t because they are not ripe when they are picked.

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