axehead
a malt liquor available in canada (alberta specifically) brewed by mountain crest.
it is, inevitably, the world heavyweight champion, king of kings, of canadian malt liquors, in terms of alcohol by volume. it weighs in at a breathtaking 11% abv, making it the strongest 40 currently available in the world, other than its cousin rockhead in the us. it is best served ice cold and drank very fast straight out of the bottle. the sooner you down it the better, because if you wait too long to finish it it becomes a disgusting licoricey swill. unfortunately if you drink it way too fast you will become heavily intoxicated. it is a good drink for students, b-ms, and other low budget drinkers.
(friends emerge from the valley)
b-m : “ehhh fellas whatcha doin roun here?!?!”
friend 1: “just getting drunk”
b-m : “me too!” (pulls out 40 of axehead)
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a vile concoction that is technically considered a malt liquor, although it would be more well suited to be categorized somewhere between turpentine and diesel fuel. produced by minhas brewery in monroe, wisconsin, it is available mostly in 24 oz. cans with distribution limited to the midwest. it is most famous for its crippling 11% alcohol and generous price ($1.19 per 24oz can).
the satanic colors that adorn the can let you know that you are about to enter through the gates of h-ll, and that an eternal torture will ensue, the kind that lucifer himself would cringe at. the crack of the tab precedes the smell of aerosol and unleaded gasoline instantly permeating the room. the first sip tastes of rat feces, razor blades and toenails, with a finish of cyanide. it is now that the theories behind the name “axe head” become apparent:
theory #1: the effects of drinking one tall boy are similar to huffing an entire can of axe body spray.
theory #2: the effects of drinking one tall boy are similar to being struck in the head by the business end of an axe.
regardless of which theory is accepted, one thing is certain: when you stop drinking steel reserve and start drinking axe head, you have reached complete rock bottom.
i was drinking an axe head in an alley the other day. a homeless man walking by stopped and shook his head, displaying his utter loss of hope in humanity.
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