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a member of one of several hundred christian denominations who all agree that the the bible is the literal word of g-d, but don’t agree with each other. see fundamentalist, f-cktard
q. what religion are you, reformed baptist?
a. no, they’re going to h-ll(tm). i’m a sovergn grace baptist.
the reason i have to drive 30 miles to buy liquor. also the reason i can’t buy liquor on sundays.
i’d love to live in a city not run by baptists so that i don’t have to drive to the ghetto to buy liquor.
part of a christian movement relating to protestant christianity. baptist emphasise believers baptism, ie accepting g-d as saviour and lord and being dunked in a pool of water in front of hundreds of people. in the late 1990s, there were about 43 million baptists worldwide with about 33 million in the united states.

baptists often form working groups, ie southern baptist alliance, to support each other. there is also a baptist world alliance which is chaired by rev. david coffey
he is part of the baptist family
baptists are a very closed minded group of religious zealots
that give virtually no respect to those that disagree with their beliefs. basically the christian equivalent of a muslim terrorist, the members of this faith, especially of more fundamental sects, boycott the expansion of human knowledge when not in relation to religious beliefs. they take the bible literally to an extreme extent, and destroy the once good name that christianity held. they justify themselves by claiming to be the only true followers of christ. they favor extreme faith over logic, and border insanity.

many baptists throughout time can be seen committing violent acts, such as the westboro baptists, in relation to the boycott of american soldier funerals, and the extreme persecution and hatred of h-m-s-xuals, and jews; basically everyone whos not a hard-core baptist.
from a baptists eyes: “if that boy ain’t of baptist faith i don’t want him anywhere near my home”

from normal eyes: “i support the expansion of the human mind and of science and all that is logic.”
a variation of the christian religion, it is common in the united states in an area known as the bible belt, which covers all of the deep south. baptists claim that they are the original church, started by john the baptist, but this is untrue. the baptist religion, like all other variations of christianity, exists only because of martin luther, who inst-tuted the much needed reformation during a time of great corruption in the catholic church.

baptists beleive that heaven is reached through, of course, baptism, and deep faith in jesus christ. they are know for their aggressive recruiting of new followers and almost militant approach to people who challenge their beleifs or do not fit their ideals. they are almost compet-tive with other religions in their attempts to gain followers.

their churches are usually large and impressive, and the bigger ones are well funded, or privately owned.

baptist children will ask you if you beleive in jesus christ, and may tell you that you are going to h-ll if you say no. they tend to completely accept their parents opinions without question.

and discussion with a baptist about religion will most likely turn into an arguement about the fate of your soul, who will probably be heading downstairs, in their opinion.

baptists also tend to make a great fuss about such topics as birth control, abortion, war, and the death penalty. they usually refuse to hear anyone else’s veiwpoint on these issues and will frequently use the name of g-d to justify their ignorant opinions. they tend to be hypocritical on these issues and become fl-stered when proven wrong.
baptist: accept jesus into your heart as your savior!!
some guy: b-tch, i’m catholic.

baptist: let’s bomb an abortion clinic and then go kill those heretics in iraq!
some guy: whatever happened to ‘thou shalt not kill?’

baptist: let’s p-ss a law against birth control and abortion!
some girl: so… what are you gonna do if you daughter gets pregnant?
baptist: oh, well, we’ll have the doctor take care of it.
some girl: that’s not gonna happen if birht control is illegal. idiot.
baptist: … you’re going to h-ll.

there are three main variations on baptist.

1. the well adjusted baptist: self explanitory. lacks most of the defining characteristics of the other cl-sses of baptists. well adjusted people who are pretty intelligent and usually rather proficiant in debate. in my experience, these people are few and far between. are also more open minded to issues like gay marriage and abortion.

2. the nearly-hardcore baptist: a watered down version of the hardcore baptist. are close minded and stupid. can be found in places similar to ansley park in atlanta. close minded as all get-out, but they’re not the type of people to go bomb a clinic, mainly due to the concern that they might get the blood of a sinner on their khakis.

3. the hardcore baptist: total f-cking r-t-rds. owe more to the backwoods rapist from “deliverance” than john the baptist. the type of person who would bomb an abortion clinic. see the film “jesus camp” for more info on this cl-ss of baptist.
1. a friend of mine is baptist. doesn’t mind that i’m open to all genders, and understands the need for abortion to be legal. he is a well adjusted baptist.

2. the people on my swim team. reguraly ridicule me for being liberal, and refuse to come into contact with me, as they think i have some disease. they are semi-hardcore baptists.

3. the people who beat me up at a wrestling meet for saying evelution is more convincing than creationism. one of their moms later threatened me, too.
right-wing christian wackb-lls who believe the bible is the literal word of god. there are many different kinds of baptist, all claiming that they are the true ones going to heaven, because they believe one minuscule detail that some other kind doesnt, and that other kind is going to h-ll. pretty messed up, but can be really nice people. don’t get that the bible’s stories can all be translated metaphorically to represent larger things in life.
baptist: “well, in the bible, some children are stoned to death because they disobey their orders, so i guess we should all stone jimmy for forgetting to do the kitty litter last night…”