blumpkin burger

the blumpkin burger is a more extreme version the already grotesque blumpkin, where the receiver of the blumpkin, as he is about to -j-c-l-t-, reaches down into the toilet bowl, grabs a piece of his feces, and slaps the giver across the face with it. the resulting block of feces looks similar to a burger patty, thus the name “blumpkin burger.” it is about as rare as a south china tiger and maybe as difficult to pull off as a golden hailstorm.

for the even more adventurous: there’s a variant called the b-mpkin big mac, which involves double the hands, double the feces, and double the cheeks. the end result looks like mcdonald’s famous burger which puts two patties layered between three buns.
after forty years of marriage, doris and peter hit a roadblock in their s-x life. peter now has ed, but doris still craves that good good. so, one night, doris found an article with ways to spice things up in the bedroom.

“a blumpkin, huh? interesting…”

the next morning, peter hit the john as he normally did. as he sat down, he was startled to a nude doris in front of him.

“w-what are you doing?” / “giving you what you need.”

as she went down on him, peter could actually feel his p-n-s working properly for the first time in years, and he was actually pretty turned on. but he couldn’t shake the fact that this s-x act was incredibly filthy. she was almost ruining his favorite time of the day.

in an act of rage, right as peter started to reach the plateau, he used his left hand to pull doris down, deeper onto his member, far enough so she couldn’t see her surroundings. with his right hand, he reached behind him and into the toilet bowl, grabbed a piece of feces and, right as he was finishing inside her mouth, pulled doris off his p-n-s with his left hand and slapped her with the p–p patty in his right hand, gracing her with the coveted blumpkin burger.

“what the f-ck doris?”

“i did it because i f-cking love you peter,” she retorted while s-m-n and feces sprayed out of her mouth.

as tears streamed down her face, peter couldn’t help but be slightly aroused by the whole situation, so he looked doris in the eye and then proceeded to make copious love on the bathroom tile.