Blumpkin Progressive
a masterful procedure from professor blumpkin… on how to actually get the coveted blumpkin from your ho.
step 1) fart a lot in her presence during oral s-x and regular f-cking. do this for at least 3 months or until she gets used to the smell of your rancid bowels.
step 2) let yourself splatter a little bit when you fart during intercourse… like on her pillow case and sh-t. this way she’ll rub her face and sleep on a small part of your feces each and every night.
step 3) go for it! sh-t yourself during oral s-x and/or while banging the snot out of the b-tch. act completely embar-ssed when this happens, “i agree that was awful! i never want that to happen again!! let’s take it into the bathroom next time, because obviously you turn me on so much i just have to sh-t myself silly whenever i c-m!”
step 4) enjoy your blumpkin filled life together.
blumpkin progressive (n.) “man that progressive blumpkin sh-t really worked! man i can’t so much as fart without that dirty wh-r- wanting to suck my mule or least bite my nuts… thanks progressive blumpkin”
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