bridge-guarding
1
1.) defending, through acts of aggressive trolling, the internet websites and facebook pages where an inordinately large number of conspiracy theorists and other wackos make comments like, “u suck an yor sight is a peace of sh-t and ur mothas a c-nt.” usually the act of bridge-guarding requires the talents of a persistent and eloquent troll who has the ability to spell correctly, thus intimidating his subject victims merely by the fact that said subject victims have an inferiority complex due to their lack of education and their usually abysmal intellectual shortcomings. a troll who engages in bridge-guarding must be merciless but also must recognize when one of his subject victims may be about to commit suicide or harm others — at which time the ethical bridge-guard will link to a national suicide hotline phone number and a website advocating for the treatment of mental health problems. 2.) the act of preventing a loved one’s boyfriend from taking the loved one out for a night of binge drinking for the purpose of committing date rape, usually accomplished by punching the potential -ssailant as hard as possible in his groin and telling him, “when she comes home, if she’s not sober and pleased with your gentlemanly conduct, i’m going to kill you, cut your head off, and drop you off a bridge and into a river.” (an almost universally successful technique).
-sshole #1: dude, i totally got bridge-guarded by her father last night!
-sshole #2: too bad … i was totally lookin’ forward to f-ckin’ her brains out while she was unconscious.
-sshole #3: yeah … let’s go post some comments on the cdc’s facebook page about how we think obama is bringing ebola into america.
-sshole #1: f-ck that. that chick’s father is bridge-guarding that site … and he always makes fun of my conspiracy theories and then puts up a link to merriam-webster’s website and the national suicide hotline. that dude is totally f-cking crazy and dangerous! trolling c-ck-blocking
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