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full name: captain douglas jay falcon

computer game character created by nintendo. captain falcon is a bounty hunter and part-time grand prix racer from the future.

features in the f-zero and super smash brothers series of games, and in the f-zero gp legends cartoon series.

he drives the blue falcon, car number 07 in the f-zero grand prix. it’s rumored that he’s called “captain” because he was once an officer on the internova police force. captain falcon was the winner of the previous grand prix, an achievement that boosted his already-high popularity even higher. aside from the fact that he hails from port town, his past is a complete mystery. his mind and body are honed from the many battles he has survived, and there is no challenge he can’t overcome.

captain falcon was cloned by the evil black shadow after being hospitalized in an accident. blood falcon, the clone, is hence only about four years old, where captain falcon is around 38. in super smash brothers the evil clone can be selected by changing falcon into the red costume.

captain falcon is fast, powerful and extreme, taking the most challenging, risky but potentially the most rewarding paths in any situation. in smash brothers he has one of the most effective and impressive spike moves, which you must try to use at every opportunity, no matter what the risk!

if you’re faced with a decision to make, ask yourself, “what would falcon do?”, and you will lead a short, but exciting life. it’s the falcon way!
“see you at the race” – captain falcon
the nintendoverse’s answer to our universe’s chuck norris.
we have chuck norris. mario, link and company have captain falcon.

you did see him in super smash bros. brawl, right? that’s why.
when you’re banging a chick and just before you c-m you tell her to “show me your moves”. if she fails, you shoot off on your knuckles and yell falcon punch while simultaneously punching her in the face.
this ho i was f-ckin didn’t show me her moves so i showed her my moves and gave her a captain falcon.
he is the main racer of f-zero series. captain falcon is a race pilot of the f-zero grand prix. his racer, the blue falcon is one of the fastest on the track. when hes not on fast lane, c.falcon is known as a relentless bounty hunter. he is 36 years old. not only is he a threat on the track, but also to other nintendo characters in bopth smash bros games, where his power and agility make him a feared opponent.
the nintendoverse’s s-xually deprived chuck norris.

he has a finishing move called the falcon punch that pretty much matches chuck norris’s legendary fist. if two falcon punches should ever collide, the universe would divide itself by 0 and… well we’d all be dead. to perform a falcon punch, you must get a glove, set your hand on fire, wait 1 full second, then punch someone in the face.

how is he s-xually deprived? if you play him in any of the super smash bros series and press up + b near an unsuspecting opponent, you’ll see why. he wraps his arms and one leg around them, which is followed by a pelvic thrust (oh so what did you think he was doing?) and him saying “yes”. the outcome is the opponent gets burned in a fiery -rg-smic flame, and is dealt damage. usually the opponent goes off-screen and dies (because they’re so embarr-ssed). this is usually followed by cpt. falcon saying “show me ya moves!”, adding insult to injury.

his down + b maneuver is called falcon kick, which he only uses when he gets a kick to the leg (“f-ckin’ kick” he says fast, but it sounds like it’s a falcon move).

other than that, he has many other maneuvers which usually result in the opponent getting minor burns (falcon knee)
captain falcon meets chuck norris

captain falcon: “show me ya moves”

-chuck norris inches cpt. falcon’s way and kicks him in the leg, dealing 10% damage to cpt. falcon-

-cpt. falcon is hurting so he effin’ kicks norris, dealing 15% damage to norris-

-both charge up their power punches, both punches collide… unfortunately, a norris punch doesn’t compare to a falcon punch so norris is dealt 30% damage, up to 45%-

-norris roundhouse kick, cpt falcon to 30% damage. falcon knee, norris to 60% damage. norris rushes him, falcon retaliates with the falcon thrust. norris is dealt 20% damage and flies off screen.

captain falcon: “show me ya moves!”
guy who, when he kicks people hard enough, it sure as h-ll sounds like he’s swearing!
captain falcon: “f—in’ kick!”
mario: wahahahahaha!!!!! (ping)
has “golden nipples of destiny”
samurai goroh is a fat f-ck for captain falcon’s c-ck lololoololo