cats

ninjas in fur suit with knives hidden in the paws.
when you cat(or cats) stalks the hallway at night? yeah, it’s training.
an epic creature that will shoot fire at you if you get near it. you can usually find one outside or near/in a house. its main abilities are to chomp and scratch but they can also pounce, shoot lasers out of their eyes, be cute, jump as high as they want, and fly. do not fight one unless you are equipped with extreme power armor and heavy -ssault cannons. its also better to bring multiple friends. dont say i didnt warn you when you get vaporized from being fooled by its cuteness.
i walked up to a cat and died because i wasnt well equipped
a quite pleasant furry creature that vaguely resembles a meatloaf. cats are the most intellectually superior creature on earth. they are particularly adept at training human beings to do their bidding, and spend 18 hours a day on average apparently sleeping. what they are really doing is coming up with ways to take over the earth while still retaining humans to make that yummy cat food for them. if cats had opposable thumbs, they, not us, would be the dominant force on this planet.
“is that a meatloaf???”
“no, it’s my cat!”
the definitive pet.
cleans self. knows how to catch it’s food.
probably gave humans the idea for a “vacc-m.” is intelligent and curious.
likes to lay around alot, sort of like a couch potato. that’s cool though.

they are usually quiet and know where to use the bathroom, unlike dogs.
cats rule, dogs drool. remember that.
cats are medium sized, fluffy felines. cats love to play and cuddle, but don’t be fooled by their cuteness; they have razor sharp claws that can slash out your eyes. but they’re still very cute.
cats are cute and fluffy, but vicious.
better than a human could ever be. here’s why-
1) look into a cat’s face. you should be able to tell that they know something you don’t.
2) they get to sleep 18 hours a day and play for the entire other 6.
3) who is cleaning up who’s litter box here?
4) they are able to move faster than you can, can land on their feet, and can move through tighter sp-ces than you can.
5) dogs have owners; cats have staff.
cats are simply better than you.
1. noun. an small furry animal that ignores you when you want to pet it, and bothers you endlessly when you’re trying to get sh-t done, or when it’s hungry. cats are generally even tempered and calm. they spend most of their adult life sleeping and eating. cats require little energy, as all they ask for is a bowl of food twice a day and a warm place to sleep. you do not need to walk a cat or spend hours a day spending time with it. cats are excellent animals for dorm or apartment life, and are perfect for people with busy lifestyles. they adapt to change quickly and require little money to keep. cats can reduce stress levels, as there is nothing more relaxing than watching and petting a warm, sleepy cat. if you do not feed your cat too much, it will also keep your home relatively free of vermin, including mice, rats, a few roaches, moths, flies, and anything else it can catch. be warned though, cats have a genetic attraction to computer keyboards. they will often walk around/sleep on a keyboard, and have a tendency to push the delete or backsp-ce b-tton (a cat once deleted half my term paper by doing this.) however, the bad behaviors of a cat are greatly outnumbered by the good. a cat will bring 5 joys for every one mad (lolspeak). many are in need of a good home, so please go get yourself a cat.
mike: what the h-ll is that?
steve: it’s my cat dude.
mike: really? it’s so quiet, compact and warm. i like it a lot.
steve: yeah, ever since i got this cat ladies love me, i get better grades, and my p-n-s is bigger.
mike: wow! i think i’m gonna get a cat.
steve: be warned though. this cat deleted my thesis paper on the industrial revolution
mike: that’s okay. the good points of a cat far outweigh the bad ones.
steve: d-mn straight.