chris moyles


the host of the bbc radio 1’s brekfast show, thinks of himself as “the saviour of radio one”.

in reality he is an obese, unfunny, drunken, h-m-phobic bully. he once offered to “break in” a girl who was 15 at the time. his show is staffed with sychophants whose job is to laugh at his painfully unfunny, scripted jokes and agree with everything he says despite its obvious idiocy.

to describe someone as a chris moyles means that they think that they are wonderful, handsome, clever and the life of the party when in fact they are about as popular as a rattlesnake in a lucky dip, the only reason people hang out with them is because they’re rich.

he is paid in excess of £630k of taxpayers money meaning that the great british public are sh-lling out over a pound a second for his output (including the songs he plays, having been given a playlist as he’s not allowed free reign)
a: i heard chris moyles on the radio this morning
b: whose jokes was he stealing this time?

a: did you hear that c-nt moyles on radio this morning?
b: yeah, what a f-ckmonkey, even with a script and his sycophants he’s about as funny as a busted colon

a: did you see the 2008 brits?
b: yeah, that f-cker moyles fell flat on his face, or he would have if his stomach hadn’t got in the way
tubby, rolly polly dj, has trouble getting up in the morning. eats mainly chicken pie and chips, and drinks larger. smokes. has a very tender pair of nipples which will bleed up to 22 pints in an hour after jogging from the pie shop to the pub. interestingly he was not born in leeds, as everyone thinks but actually nempnett thrubwell near bristol and was educated by trappist monks who ran a centre for lap dancers who failed their mot. ian hyland of the sun recently said of chrismoyles
“i think he is talented and quite frankly the s-xiest man on the planet”
joewhiley has been dating chris moyles for 4 years now, and friends report chrismoyles was very pleased when on valentines day this year he managed to get to second base, it was homebase first then chivenor, a raf base in gloucester.
chrismoyles producer aledjones recently painted chrismoyles flat a two tone coffee and wall nut combination, he finished the rooms with flock cushions and organza.
there is a dj who is on radio one and he is called chrismoyles.

he has a fan site where all the posters hate him it is called chrismoyles, net is the singular of nets which are used to catch fish.
a dj on radio1. some people love his humor and tune in every morning to show this, some people hate his humor and feel the need to whine like babies to show this. despite popular beleif chris moyles is not h-m-phobic or s-xist, many people are lead to beleive this by his att-tude which is in fact an act, hear that? it’s a joke: j-o-k-e.
person1: man, that fat c-nt chris moyles is a total douche! i wish he wasn’t on the radio so i didn’t have to listen to him!

person2: dude, if you don’t like him then don’t listen, change the station.

person1: yeah well i…uh…sh-t man why didn’t i think of that?

note: this scene was purely fictional; you can’t shut them up that easily!

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