Citrus County

an underrated little part of florida that you have to have an intelligent sense of humor to appreciate.
while the population stereotypically consists of backwards rednecks and senile, retired couples, about half or more of the people who lived there moved from boston, new york, or some other supposedly “bigger and better” location.
among citrus county’s features are the infamous super walmart that those who actually care about the economy and the environment will try to avoid at all costs, the “radioactive beach” that will physically screw up everyone who tries to take a swim off the coast, a huge power plant, and an underappreciated state park famous for its manatees, as well as mean old men with anger problems and tyrannical, unfair legal system that will sentence a fifteen year old to ten years in prison for stealing a few cans of beer and let a 40 year old woman get away with -ssault.
another notable feature of citrus county is the presence of illegal drugs, particularly in h-m-ss-ssa, rumored to be the pothead capitol of the county.
citrus county has about four high schools, lecanto high school, which is populated by idiots with a sense of humor, citrus high school, which is populated by idiots who are hilarious but don’t quite know how to make fun of themselves, crystal river high school, which is locally famous for its notoriously bad test grades, and crest, which is where “bad kids” and extreme psychological cases are sent to help them “cope with life.” (albeit few of them come out in good condition.)
if there’s one thing that makes citrus county worth it, it’s the place’s eccentric youth population, all of whom have some sort of bizarre problem or personality trait that to a subjective observer will seem nothing short of comic.
among the population of citrus county can be seen individuals who can bend their knees inwards, people with retractable beer bellies and yellow teeth, rich wiggers with a god complex, and children who are either unnaturally intelligent or unnaturally stupid, depending on who they are.
note the presence of skateboards in practically every location, especially in inverness. the antics of the youths are always good for a laugh.
to put it this way, citrus county, in places where it isn’t occupied by the retired or by drunken “trailer trash,” is something like twisted high school comedy.
to sum it up this way, imagine the characters in napoleon dynamite and lords of dogtown getting together and doing crack. and that’s saying something.
anyone who’s ever read mervyn peake will realize that, by comparison to gormenghast, citrus county really isn’t all that bad…
small county in central florida. population: not worth mentioning

ridiculous amount of rednecks, s-x offenders and old people.

home of the crystal river manatees. people visit from all over the world to see these huge wastes of blubber when in reality they deserve the wounds the motor boats inflict on them.

“radioactive beach” is where the cc population goes to sunbathe because if you actually swim in the water, you’ll mutate in some way or another thanks to the nearby power plant.

“cool” places to hang are the circus tent mall (only mall in the county, major department stores include kmart and sears), the relatively new super walmart (where it has been proven that at any given point in time at least 5 people who know will be there), and the rundown roller barn (every kid in the county had at least one birthday party there).

only cool place to work is of course the inverness regal. because the people there rock. best coffee shop would be russ’ coffee depot in crystal river which very few people know of. and if you want anything else you’ll have to drive a million miles away. because that is how far from civilization citrus county is.
citrus county blows -ss.
a sh-thole of a county in the middle of nowhere. what a terrible f-cking place to live. if your parents tell you that they’re looking at moving here, tell them the f-ck off. it will ruin your life. also where john couey raped and killed jessica lunsford(h-m-s-ssa).
“i live in citrus county…get me the f-ck out of here.”