Comfort Zone

comfort zone basics:
1. don’t ask because you don’t want to know
2. heaven’s gate
3. h-ll’s -sshole
4. be careful what you say & who you say it to; the cia (comfort zone intelligence agency) does exist
5. 68% of the patrons are always more f-cked up then you!
6. the cz virus is real, exists only in the zone and is only curable by not going to the zone for 4 consecutive wks.
7. half of americas most wanted can be found at the comfort zone
8. if the zone were to shut down the crime rate in the city would increase by 32%
9. if you decide to play the “do i stay or do i go” game you will lose!
10. trust me you’ll be back. everyone comes back
11. many people will remember you but you will remember none. fake it.
12. yes she is 16
13. bartering, negotiating and haggling are common practice.
14. if she looks like a stripper she is. if she’s not a stripper she’s a man.
15. if she’s a man warn friends.
16. if your a guy over 150 lbs your shirt will eventually come off for a pose down to show your muscles are bigger than some other juice pigs.
17. do not try to distinguish between fear & pleasure at the zone. there is no distinction.
18. no, i don’t have any money you can borrow.
19. for every problem there is a chemical solution.
20. enjoy your time here you’re famous… everyone is.
21. no really, i don’t have any money you can borrow.
22. the 3 degrees of separation theory applies.
23. everyone’s not staring at you…unless you think they are.
24. what happens at cz stays at cz.
24. you know its time to leave when;
a) you wake up in the green room in a puddle with your empty wallet on your chest
b) you’ve already left you just didn’t know it
c) you hear the bouncer yelling at your friend to get that -sshole out of here & he’s pointing at you.
d) when all your comfort zone -ssociates say-dude, you looked f-cked!-
e) you realize that the nice guy you met earlier is giving you an extra friendly message. and you’re enjoying it-
f) you’ve been partying for three days and think that one more pill/b-mp/line/cap will miraculously give you energy
g) the back hems of your designer jeans are tattered & black & your eyeb-lls are about to pop out of your skull
h) no one has drugs
i) everyone looks familiar
j) no one looks familiar
k) when you look in the mirror and you mistake the white ring on the edge of your nostril for a powdered donut
l) you hear voices talking to you in the bathroom stall only to find out there is no one else there
m) you start talking to your genitals to hurry up & pee already
o) you stop breathing
p) you wonder around aimlessly, not knowing what to do w/ yourself
q) you consider checking in at the waverly hotel
r) the music stops but you think it’s still playing and continue dancing around like a madman

25. you know you’ve been going to comfort zone too long when you refer to it as “zone” and…
a) all the friends you have now, you met at the zone
b) you miss a week at the zone & wonder if it’s still there
c) you stopped hiding the fact that you’re a regular patron
d) your cool w/ the young baggy sweatsuit bandana wearing thugs & they’re cool w/ you
e) you actually play a game of pool-
f) when your friend drops something on the ground & you console him
g) the bouncer doesn’t search you
h) you know the bouncers by name
i) the bouncers know you by name
j) the sight of 3 uniformed police officers inside the zone is business as usual
k) the fear of being punched, stabbed, shot, raped or kidnapped has subsided
l) it’s your only form of exercise and your sporting a 6 pack. and you attribute your fine figure to a healthy diet to vitamins e, k, & g.
m) you have a “zone bag” packing clothes, shoes, and sungl-sses you bring out on sat-rday night.
n) you stay in sat-rday night so you can go out sunday mornings
o) the people at the mission know you
p) “sketchy” “k-hole” and “g’d out” have become part of your vocabulary.
q) the things outside the zone scare you more then the things inside.
r) you plan to go to the zone.

26. you know you’ve left the comfort zone when…
a) people outside look more whacked then you think you look.
b) you see sunlight and it is’nt coming from the top of a narrow staircase.
we all found ourselves at the ‘comfort zone” on sunday at 8 am.
someones personal and comfortable sp-ce. upon tresp-ssing into this zone without knowing the person may just result in a person acting stuck up, rude, or hostile towards the intruder.
situation: some random guy trying to spit some game at a group of girls while they are just trying to have a girls night out at the club. girls use their safety net and one says she doesn’t feel good and has to go the bathroom. the others pretend to be concerned and go to her aide and help.

girl 1: man that dude was a total creeper.
girl 2: i concur, he had no respect for our comfort zone.
(n) referring to the area created by the placement of mattresses on a floor, preferably adjacent to a television set. multiple people can fit in this zone and it can have many uses including but not limited to: sleepovers, sleeping in, snow days, and lazy sundays
“bradley and jacqueline spent three days watching planet earth in the comfort zone during the snow storm.”