critical ass

adj. the stage in fat acc-mulation when fabric can no longer contain the enormity of one’s b-ttocks.
jesus, i can’t zip up these jeans anymore – i’ve reached critical -ss!
the point at which critical m-ss of the -ss is reached, prompting one to immediately find a bathroom and empty contents of said -ss; esp. problematic for the work dumper who would rather get paid to defecate but instead has to take care of business before leaving the house.
graham: i reached critical -ss this morning and was 20 mins late to work.

john: critical what?
noun: pertaining to -ssholes who partic-p-te in monthly gatherings of critical m-ss bicycle rides through metropolitan areas (i.e. downtown chicago) whom are known to think they are holier than thou because they ride a bike. often with convoluted sense of pride and treat it as a lifestyle instead of what it is…just a mode of transportation.
that guys a critical -ss always showing up drunk to ride.

critical -ss blocking traffic once again.
this is a point where you are partaking in -n-l s-x and it is a definite problem because the motion of thrusts has produced a plunging effect and now sh-t is about to spill out in an amount that can acc-mulate a small or lage pile. when it just already is spilling a little that is also critical -ss as this is most commonly how it is reached. i am implying that it doesn’t have to be a point where the person receiving the thrusts feels it about to come out or the person thrusting feels an approaching barrier that is progressively preventing more room for penetration or it just begins to feel really mooshy. those are also critical -ss. this is the point where the person receiving the phallus has to inch one self over to a safe receptacle with out letting open the flood gates. it can become a spout to where the person is really taking a full-on dump and not just a spill.
matt:”oh no… do you smell that? oh there’s too much grease on the p-n-s now.”
kate:”oh it’s fine…pfffrrrohht. actually… i think we have reached critical -ss.”