Search

a bunch of rich white people paying $250/mo. to have an uncredentialed coach instruct them to have spasms with pvc pipe and siezures on pull-up bars until they vomit. they generally do this for a period of 10-30 minutes and call it a workout. those who partake in these group activities also have the option to pay $1000 to attend a weekend course where they have an alcoholic instruct them how to better lift their pvc pipe. some people who do these activities may also confuse being nauseous with being elite.
guy 1: hey, i started this great workout program lately. it’s called crossfit!
guy 2: you go have fun with that. and don’t bother calling me when you need someone to take you to the emergency room.

guy 3: dude, when did you get all those tribal tats? you didn’t start—
guy 4: hey man, i just started doing this awesome workout program called crossfit!
guy 3: oh, f-ck.

guy 5: the crossfit workout was brutal today! i’m already sore as h-ll!
guy 6: maybe you should have scaled down to 1/2″ pvc rather than 3/4″.
the scientology of fitness. sometimes known as “cultfit.”

like most cults:

-their subjects are put into physically and/or emotionally distressing situations, breaking their will over time.
-their problems are oversimplified and repeatedly emphasized.
-they are unconditionally “loved,” accepted, and receive “guidance” from a charismatic “leader.”
-their ident-ty is now based on the group.
-they are, in a subtle way, encouraged to break off ties from friends and/or family who do not partic-p-te in this newfound culture.
-access to external information is severely monitored and/or controlled.
a: “wasn’t eric supposed to go out with us today?”

b: “no, he mentioned something about crossfit and a wod.”

a: “what about the concert on friday?”

b: “nope. he’s watching some sort of crossfit compet-tion on the east side.”

a: “well, what about your wedding next month? isn’t he a groomsman?”

b: “he had to cancel so he could try out for the crossfit games.”

a: “wow, eric has turned into a c-nt.”

b: “he says he only does it for the exercise and doesn’t really like the people at his gym, but i’m starting to believe he has fallen to dark side. sometimes i think he cannot be saved from this superficial idiocy.”
a cult/organization of failed athletes who are coached by trainers that have purchased online certifications claiming to be world cl-ss olympic lifters.

facilities offering ‘functional’ training by incorporating epileptic pull up techniques, high intensity olympic lifts and other circus acts posing as strength development methodologies.

workouts are comprised of a heap of confusing exercises at high repet-tion with no result driven motivation.

if this method of training does not make you puke while performing it will make you puke by observing.
athlete a: dude your swinging pull ups make you look so hardcore.
athlete b: not only am i hardcore, i’m crossfit.

today’s wod was the best 9 minutes of my baby sisters life
a new and expensive way of re-branding boot camp and circuit training. also a method of selling out while pretending to be hardcore and underground.
crossfit makes men smaller and women hotter.

the average crossfit male wears an extra medium shirt.
an elaborate way to control the human mind so it will eventually rationalize any monetary transaction.
person: you spent how much on that t-shirt?!

crossfitter: it’s more than just a t-shirt, you wouldn’t understand.
verb (used without an object) cross-fit-ted, cross-fit-ting

1. a popular act in men’s bathhouses. usually involving a group of men in a line, periodically moving to new locations in the line.
-the boys and i crossfit pretty regularly.

-i crossfitted so much last week; i can barely walk straight!

-we’re crossfitting tonight; you should join us, big boy.
an exercise regimen enjoyed by midwestern gorilla juice heads most named tony

most notable crossfit tonys including crossfit tony:

-i have a dream tony
-gorilla juice head tony
-v-g-n- tony
-crossfit tony
-hawaii tony
-pilot tony
let’s grab hawaii tony and do some thrusters for the crossfit wod!