cynic

(n) (1) a person who doubts the sincerity of motives.
(2) a word commonly misdefined by pessimists who think they are cynics.
the cynic defines “lifegiving water” as “what fish f-ck in”.
someone who genuinely doubts a persons true motives.
-if a hobo asks a cynic for money, the cynic would just ignore him, convinced that the hobo doesnt really want money to get back on his feet, but to get some drugs which were the reason for him being homeless in the first place.

-a cynic is the guy who never had a girlfriend until he was in college, because it didnt take long for him to realize that high school relationships never last the better part of two weeks. he also sometimes feels like the only person in his school to notice this, and probably is.

-if you read a romantic poem to a cynic about the beauty of trees, the cynic would just stare at you and say something to the effect of “birds and squirrels f-ck in them, and they make big noises when cut down to build yet another highway. otherwise nice poem (b-_-)b”.

-a cynic is usually someone with above-average awareness, especially if they develop such views at an early age. being a cynic through junior high and high school can save you a lot of hurt, since you will definetly be able to talk your way out of anything. no arguement can beat cold hard facts, which are what cynics thrive for.

-cynics are not neccesarily pessimists, and while they do generally have low expectations, they dont blow minor problems out of proportion, since they really dont care in the first place.
insane conservative: 9/11! 9/11! 9/11! 9/11! 9/11! 9/11! 9/11! 9/11!
cynic: more people die every day from car crashes. why are a couple planes that got hijacked still on the front page of every newspaper 5 years afterwards?

insane liberal: impeach bush! impeach bush! impeach bush! impeach bush! impeach bush!
cynic: okay, then what? get another guy who will inevitably do just as bad?

(teenagers in highschool)
john (close-minded typical high school student): dude, jack! i asked out melissa and she said yes!
jack (“closet” cynic): so? the other 8 girlfriends you had this year all lasted about 3 days, what makes you think this one will be different?
(jack’s mind): am i the only person here who realizes that trying to keep a relationship this early in life is impossible? just look at all the teenage couples you know who lasted more than a month.
yeah, thought so. you’ve got nothing.
one who doesn’t believe in innate human virtue. cynicism, contrary to popular belief, does not entail being an offensive and ignorant idiot. only the offensive part, because most people don’t like how cynics criticise them and would rather live happily ever after in the magical world of pixies and gumdrops and rainbows and unicorns. sadly, that view on cynicism has caused a lot of people to regard the philosophy in a negative way.
n-body likes a cynic. that’s okay, because we don’t like everyone else.

one famous cynic was diogenes. he would go around athens in broad daylight with a lantern. when people asked him what he was doing, he would say “i am just looking for an honest man”.
a person who boldly tells it like it is. a person who sees the world without a blindfold covering the eyes.
and that explains why n-body likes cynics.
an idealist whose rose-colored gl-sses have been removed, snapped in two and stomped into the ground, immediately improving his vision.
authority figures and the government only tell you what to do because they want to help

cynic’s translation: they tell you what to do and how to do it because they, like everyones eles, want power and control.
a cynic is a typically jaundiced person who has the rare ability to be able to see through common belief and see the truth and faults in today’s society. cynics are non-believers and do not conform, and have no interest whatsoever, in conforming to everyday society.
cynics are usually disliked for their jaded and negative views on the way the world runs, and often beleive that the world runs according to selfishness and is driven my greed and money.
andrew (innocent conformist): i wonder why george w. bush called that bridge the clinton overp-ss?
paul (cynic): he’s hoping one day they’ll name a bridge after him.
(1) an idealist robbed by the experience of the realities of life.
(2) a person who has adopted a functional att-tude that allows for survival in the postmodern world of late capitalism.
those who are not idealists when they are young have no heart. those who are not cynics when they are old are utter fools.

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