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emotional moobs are moobs caused by a hormonal imbalance in the body due to emotional instability, usually from a traumatic event in early childhood but occasionally later in life. emotional moobs can be easily confused with fat guy moobs (or fgm) due to their similar disgusting, sweaty appearance.

the only difference and distinction between the two is the ‘tearing’ of an emotional moob. this is when the moob becomes so emotional, often because someone has made fun of the moob, slapped it, or otherwise neglected it, that it begins to secrete a milky lactate similar in appearance to tears.

this illness was only recently discovered since many people with this hilarious but shameful illness hid their bodies with baggy t-shirts. often these t-shirts are thought of as being sweaty when it is actually the lactating tears of the emotional moob. in this instance it is often said with much affection that the moob is crying. poor moob.

it is estimated that 30% of the moob population have emotional moobs.

early symptoms include: being emo, whining about sh-t all the time and a milky smell about the person.

known cures include: getting over it, toughening up and getting a life. skin grafts are also used to help the person develop ‘thick skin’ in the affected area.

emotional moobs also effect women but this often goes undiagnosed as the only, often desirable, side-effect is an increased cup size, and is nowhere near as embar-ssing as the male lactating man-t-t.
dave: my emotional moobs keep lactating everywhere.

bob: you sick f-ck.
—

dave: my moobs are so emotional right now.

alex: you’re a c-nt.
—

zaphod: omfg you s-ss you’re such a sweaty frood.

dave: no i’m not you d-ck, thats just my lactating emotional man t-t crying again.
—

sandra: oh cr-p we’ve run out of milk!

dave: well insult me for a few minutes and give my t-t a slap and i’ll squeeze some in your coffee.