Evesham

stinking toilet of the midlands that shakespeare once p-ssed through on his way to london or something. known by it’s inhabitants as ‘the vale of evesham’ to somehow bestow upon it an air of cl-ss. (fail).

the typical ‘evesham female’ has a combination of webbed feet, a slight brummie accent, and poor personal hygiene. their uglyness is a genetic flaw thought to result from centuries of in-breeding, b–st–lity and ingestion of worcester sauce. easily tempted into s-x for the price of roughly 3 pints of ale.

the elusive and seldom seen ‘evesham male’ is a rare sight indeed. often only seen in dole queues, pubs, or fishing on the banks of the river avon… anywhere but actually working/contributing to society really. he is afflicted with severe r-t-rdation, equally poor hygiene and has (on average) the lowest iq in western europe.

of those aged 16–74 in evesham, 57.5% had no academic qualifications or one general certificate of secondary education (gcse). this nugget of info came from the 2001 national cencus (god bless the internets <3) and really brings to light the 'special' nature of this waste of f-cking real-estate. when told of his need to p-ss through evesham on his way to london shakespeare is reported to have exclaimed: "evesham ya c-nt? can ye not go around the b-st-rd?! i f-ckin hate evesh-te me!" - and thus the name 'evesh-te' was born. a name the townsfolk have come to love and cherish for the past 400 years. husband- "honey, i'm booking us a smashing looking hotel in the west midlands. our 10th wedding anniversary will be an occasion to remember!" wife- "whereabouts is that darling?" husband- "it says right here on the website 'evesham'" wife- "i'm leaving you" evesham/evesh-te- 'the -rs-hole of the west midlands'. british tourism board 2011. q- "would you like to accompany me to 'the vale of evesham?' " a- "would you like to have your teeth punched down your f-cking throat?" once a quiet historic town with regular visits from royalty and host of the final battle of crusader simon de montfort, eveshams civilisation has changed dramatically. it now mainly consists of inbred gypsies robbing "scr-p metal/iron", packs of chavs (usually consisting of 10-30) starting on the elderly, 'fake' people following a hypodermic cycle from society leaders b-tching and dumping their own friends and wearing gay clothes. also port street and surrounding areas has a m-ss population of polish people, who drink from the early hours in small groups by the river avon, and look for people to fight and rape when night time arrives. all these people congregate usually on a friday/sat-rday in the uk's official 2nd worst nightclub marilyn's (mazza's) of course there are a few normal people who don't partc-p-te in any of the above but when out of the town are stereotyped into the evesham fish net. so if you're thinking of moving or visiting here, don't bother. so you're from evesham, do you f-ck your mom or dad?