fine dining establishment
an overpriced restaurant with polyester tablecloths.
actual “fine dining” restaurants rarely, if ever, call attention to themselves as such, just as a gentleman does not, by definition, call himself a gentleman.
give-aways: excess text on the menu (see examples below), capitals on all restaurant-related terms, inflated prices, “house brands” of bottled water and similar, faux-luxe decor, cheap silverware, poor-quality ingredients in fussy recipe, abuse of any of the following: “oven-roasted” (never simply roasted), “sun-dried” (never simply dried), “french,” “infused,” &c, pretensions to internationalism despite solid americanisms, like calling blue cheese or fromage bleu “bleu cheese.”
hallmarks of the service include having too many things done with you without your asking for them, such as removing the lid from ketchup bottles. they are normally pretentious, fussy, and ignorant about the food.
on the menu where “spaghetti” should be:
a delightlful medley of oven-roasted vegetables in a basil-infused tomato reduction sauce, topping hand-crafted durum wheat pasta cooked to perfection. offered with premium parmesan, hand-grated by your server. $29.95
in the advertising:
oilivierio’s offers a fine dining establishment for your pleasure. located in (some chain hotel). chef antonio italian-but bornintorontonio takes pride in the variety of gourmet dishes he has created. come and enjoy a meal at olivierio’s today with the $2-off coupon in your valpak coupon circular to discover the soul of italy — right here in bells corners!
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