first poster

a person whose main goal in life is to post first on an internet video, picture, or anything else that allows comments. usually this person will simply post “first!” or something along those lines rather than making an insightful or meaningful comment. first posters, while they themselves often believe that they are serving a valuable purpose and/or accomplishing something by being first, are generally disrespected by much of the rest of the online community.
first poster #1: “i was the first to post on a failblog picture on march 17, 2008. it ended up getting 946 comments.”
neil armstrong: “wow, that’s really impressive. i was the first person to walk on the moon.”
babe ruth: “i was the first player to hit 60 home runs in a season and the first to hit 700 career home runs!”
albert einstein: “well i was the first to prove the relationship between m-ss and energy as well as many other fundamental principles of the universe that had puzzled scientists since the beginning of time.”
sir edmund hillary: “i was the first to climb mt. everest.”
first poster #1: “what did you do up there?”
sir edmund hillary: “i put up a sign that said ‘first!!!’ and got my -ss back down that mountain. it was freezing up there, dude!”
g-d: “well i was the first to create, well, you know, everything in the entire universe.”
first poster #2: “sweet man, congrats. i was the first to comment on that youtube video of the news anchor accidentally saying ‘bl-w j-b’ on live tv.”
neil armstrong: “lol! that video was cl-ssic! epic fail!”
other commenter: “shut up, all of you!!! n-body cares if you’re first! get a life!”
individuals whose sole motivation in life is to get that first forum/thread/news post – often typified by the words “1st” or “first” without more.
thread: pig found giving birth to man-child.

1. 1st
2. ./reply to 1. stfu n00b.
3. why doesn’t somebody ban anonymous posters.