five second rule
this is a very complex law of physics. it states that if food (goldfish, for example) is dropped on the floor, it can be “safely” eaten within five seconds. the five second rule is very fun to apply when in…say…architectural drawing cl-ss, usually when mr. johnson leaves the room.
when other people are attempting to throw goldfish in your mouth, but miss and hit you smack diddley doo in the face, the five second rule applies as soon as it makes solid contact with the floor.
a simple rule stating that food dropped on the ground is still perfectly edible if it is picked up in five seconds. ingeniously created by guys for the sole purpose of reducing wasted food and allowing a person that second chance they needed to enjoy their food.
jason: i dropped my steak on the ground!
chris: that sucks.
jason: nah, five second rule, i saved it.
chris: nice.
a superst-tious belief that food can remain in contact with the ground (no matter what’s on it…?) and still be edible.
-eddie drops a rasberry onto dogcr-p by accident while walking with bill-
eddie – -picks up rasberry and eats it-
bill – what the? why did you eat that??? naaasty…
eddie – five second rule.
a wholly untrue rule that states that if your food drops to the floor/ground and has contact for less than five seconds, you can simply pick it up and eat it without risk of sickness. this is untrue, of course. bacteria covers your food upon contact, it doesn’t take five seconds for them to attach.
guy 1:dude, are you gonna eat that?
guy 2:yeah..
guy 1:but it fell on the floor…
guy 2:but it wasn’t there for five seconds..so according to the five second rule..it’s all good.
h2oincfs’ corollary:
the food can remain on the floor for longer than five seconds, as long as you started reaching for it before the five seconds expired.
i had to change position after my first attempt to reach the cheesy poof that had fallen under my desk failed. however, i had begun the attempt before five seconds had p-ssed, therefore the five second rule was not broken.
if you can’t last more than five seconds in a girl’s p-ssy, your p-n-s gets chopped off.
man, that n-gg- busted in 3 seconds. he didn’t -ss the five second rule it’s choppin’ time.
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