Gaasebamp
the gaasebamp is a quantifier of personal or inter-personal drama in terms of anger, sadness, disappointment, and hatred. it is a relative scale, denoted as the “bamp” for short. its name established from “gooseb-mps” in october of 2008 after an awkward conversation with an overseas family member who was far from proficient in english, the gaasebamp can now be used as a quantifier for negative emotions.
starting from 0 to 1000 gaasebamps is purely drama, no lives are at immediate risk but people will be angry, sad, or scared to a mild degree.
past 1000 gaasebamps the unit changes to megabamps, at which point the quantifier (mb) entails physical injury, and this scale goes from 1000 to 1,000,000 bamps. under the conditions of severe emotional distress, the megabamp unit is replaced by the megabremp unit, which does not entail injury or loss of life, only mental anguish.
past 1 million bamps, lives are being lost; the unit name changes to gigabamps. this system has many potential implications for studying sociological interactions; news media can use it on live television as a means of conveying a scene’s intensity. theater teachers may require students to emanate a certain number of bamps.
“girl this is my man! i can’t believe he’d even sleep with you!” has a reading of approximately 750 gaasebamps, relative only to the woman taking charge of her man, -ssuming also she is physically large and is angered greatly by infidelity.
“that guy pushed me into the street and i got hit by a slow-moving bus” has a reading of about 350,000 gaasebamps, or 350 megabamps (or 0.35 gigabamp, if a vital organ was damaged and the individual could die given circ-mstances).
a live news crew filming a natural or manmade disaster: “the scene here has a reading of approximately 15 gigabamps or 15,000,000 gaasebamps– we’re talking about m-ssive loss of human life, everything is inundated!”
the consequences of greed and colonialism by modern nations has done to other nations over 9000 gigabamps.
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