Grand Valley State University

a liberal arts college located in allendale, mi. grand valley carries the 2nd lowest acceptance rate in the state of michigan. most who do not get accepted wind up at colleges such as michigan state university or glorified community colleges such as western or central. known for the athletics, grand valley beat the living sh-t out of over-rated michigan state in basketball in 2007. grand valley also is able to fill an entire building with national championships. to fit in, a student must own a sigg water bottle, a north face jacket, and a sense of being better than everyone that does not go to gvsu. most graduates are placed in positions where they manage graduates of michigan state, western, and central.
student 1: d-mn, i didn’t get in to grand valley state university.
student 2: its all good, we got in to state!
student 1: …but i didn’t want to be a janitor…
student 2: then go to western and be unemployable.
division ii university just outside of allendale, michigan. know for their division ii sports programs and watering their lawns way to much.
my friend goes to grand valley state university.
a school in allendale, mi, where the guys will brag about the male to female ratio too make themselves feel better about going to such a lame -ss school located, literally, in the middle of b-tt f-cking nowhere. though the ratio indeed seems great, one would rather leave the party too have s-x with the nearby corn stalks than to listen to the stuck up, crotch sniffing, dumb -ss b-tches that go there.
grand valley state university
msu visitor: “why are you going outside?”
gvsu student: “too have s-x with a cornstalk.”
msu visitor: “why would you do that … ?”
gvsu student: “once you understand that corn stalks don’t b-tch like all the girls back at the party, there great !”
grand valley state university — a school with a campus near a lake that makes it so d-mned cold in the winter you’ll wish you went elsewhere. the high wind and extremely cold temperatures combined with the fact that there is absolutely nothing to do there, makes those winter seasons torture.

the highlight of living in allendale involves fighting that lake effect wind and making one trip to the only grocery store 30 miles away. those without a car are stuck with one bus that goes around to downtown grand rapids a couple of times a day to a cross section division and wealthy: division is a street that cleary was intended to divide the rich and the poor and wealthy is an old street that is comparative to detroit’s c-ss avenue. rotting buildings, corporate abandonment, and there is nothing—absolutely nothing–downtown.

the surrounding culture struggles to keep its community white and clean. many call themselves the dutch reform and believe they are ten times better than what is often called the urban dirt living in the city. rich vanandel and d-ck devos are praised again and again by this academic community as their names are part of nearly every department t-tle within the university.
we cannot hire you because you went to grand valley state university.
a school that is not last chance but dead close. you pay a reduced rate for a college that is filled with: regular white people, white people who hate black people, white people who do not know what the term african american is, and white people who think capitalism in africa will solve all their problems.

also you pay for a police force that shoots people because they are hyped up for even a doughnut. some parts of the school are cool. not really. parties. dont exist. why do you think they all come to schools like michigan state to party.

be warned the women are either stuck up or loose. no one can hold their beer down and no one knows what liquor is or how to use it. paranoia of “getting in trouble” (oh noes!) is everywhere. dont think you can enjoy a party without the host telling you to not be so loud the cops are at the door or that you have to leave because you p-ssed off the balcony.
“whats going on this weekend”

“my boi is having a golf pros gv hoes party wanna come?”
“naw, i think im going to party at state.”

gv bro: ” yeah this one time i smashed a girl with 8 shots in me. then i went back and took two more and p-ssed out.”
msu bro: “cool story bro.” -smashes a fifth then f-cks the gv bros b-tch”

gv girl: “lets drink wine.”
western guy: “-slap-…..just stfu.”

freshman: “yeah so i calculated it out and for my major lcc looks really good then i will transfer to state.”
mom/dad: “oh gawdddd no! you will go to grand valley state university”