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“home of the champions”, hazlet is a town in the jersey sh-r- that is known for it’s toughness. located as a buffer between white trash keansburg and wealthy holmdel, hazlet represents the epitome of a blue collar, middle cl-ss suburb. hazlet is also known for its solid football program, in which the raritan rockets went to the state finals three years in a row. other than its toughness, hazlet is known for having one of the largest movie theaters in the area, being home to the godly jim’s burger haven, and being home to 11 pizzerias. hazlet itself contains different and diverse communities, from the sh-r-like west keansburg to the upper-middle cl-ss raritan valley.

those kids from hazlet really break their backs when they work.

i played football in central jersey and most likely got my -ss kicked by a hazlet kid.

hazlet isn’t as trashy as keansburg, isn’t as stuck up as holmdel, and isn’t as boring as middletown.

i wish i could live in hazlet, but my son is a wuss and would never survive. that’s why i live in middletown.
the best place to be on the jersey sh-r-. inbetween white fuc-in trash keansburg and rich filth holmdel. hazlet itself has its own little communities, such as west keansburg, where everybody fights for anybody, and raritan valley, the upper middle cl-ss neighborhood where you can find crack fiends and dodge vipers. the cool thing to do in hazlet on weekends is drink as much as you can without the worry of cops because they don’t care. everyone is preppy, gangsta, or emo/skater. no inbetweens. all the girls in high school wear is tight shirts exposing their t-ts and short skirts or tight jeans with their thongs hanging out. best things to do are drink, smoke mad blunts, and have s-x with random girls from whatever town is close. when you’re from hazlet, you can get p-ssy from anywhere. best f-ckin town on the east coast.
person 1: yo let’s f-ck that kid up

person 2: we can’t. he’s from hazlet. he’ll f-ck us up and then f-ck our girlfriend.
small town more popularly known as the place where “sammi sweetheart” (samantha giancola) from the popular mtv show ‘jersey sh-r-‘ lives.

the high school (“raritan” located on middle road) and the town in general is heavily populated with guidos/guidettes and lesbians. the people in the school think they’re bad or ‘hard’, when really they live in a new jersey suburb. they also hate keansburg because they say it’s trashy, even though they are literally two minutes apart, some even in living in west keansburg. they also hate middletown for being stuckup, but they are just as bad.
person 1: oh man there was totally this big–ss trashy grenade in the club last night, and they live right around here!

person 2: they were probably from keansburg if their trashy.

person 1: nah bro she was pretty stuckup, she thought her sh-t didn’t stink

person 2: oh so she’s from middletown!

person 1: nahh, she’s from hazlet!

person 2: f-ckin sk-nk!
a town in the east coast, next to holmdel, keansburg, and middletown. every town around hazlet hates every person that lives there. only a few people in hazlet are descent people. they believe they are better than everyone else. in my opinion, its a town that u have to be raised in to even be able to live there. the people in this town are all wanna be gangsta. they try to act tough but always end up being a p-ssy. i live there and let me tell you… all the teenagers do is drink, smoke, and f-ck while the younger teens just walk around to one of the schools to just chill. they always are judging people on appearance instead of personality. everyone in hazlet has to hav the same haircut from the same place. they all listen to the same music. only rap. you cant listen to anything else than rap or they will go all p-ssy -ss on you and they will say fight me.
hazlet kid 1: yo, look at that kid.

hazlet kid 2:what kid, yo?

hazlet kid 1:that kid to the right. he has long hair. lets jump him.

hazlet kid 2: yea lets jump that f-g. hes mad doofy.

long hair kid:(beats the sh-t out of the two kids, then calls his friends)i thought hazlet kids were tough

kid on phone: they look like they are.

long hair kid: no, i just got jumped by 2 of them. they are a bunch of p-ss-es

kid on phone: ohh, good now lets go jump those doofy m-th-f-ckas (making fun of the hazlet kids)
a really nice town and doesnt have a tough rep or anyone to back that up anyway. if you think white-picket fence, safe neighborhood, lilly-white then you think hazlet. alot of newer residents from staten island, brooklyn, bronx and queens but no att-tudes here. it truely is a great all around town. almost zero crime rate except for the menial bs. airport plaza, middle road veterans park, the swim club. the old drive in movie theater!
wheres hazlet? next to holmdel! oh yeah that place is really nice! yup!
the worst f-cking town ever. period. no if ands or buts about it. the people in this particular town are all posers who don’t give a d-mn about anybody but them selves. plus they are all as dumb as a post. there’s never anything to do except drink and smoke and not everyone wants to do that 24/7.

i feel ashamed to say i live in this town but i know that as soon as its legal i am moving the f-ck out. and i suggest the same to anybody else living there who’s over the age of 18.
stupid b-tch: like omg i’m from hazlet! i’m gonna copy everyone else and go along with very single stupid fab that’s comes my way so everyone will think i’m cool! hooray for not thinking for yourself!

me: -hits over head with a heavy object- go die!
hazlet; full of f-ggot skaters and emo people, stuck inbetween keansburg where most of the girls and either dikes or preppy your choice? next to holmdel where hazlet looks poor basiclly hazlet is just a town that doesn’t have a rep for anything ya dig? if you want to live in hazlet and your a p-ssy you will fit right in!
keansburg kid: oh sh-t let’s f-ck up that kid from hazlet
keansburg kid 1: how do you know hes from hazlet?
keansburg kid: he has marks on his arm and is skating
holmdel kid: really i say we jump him!
all together: h-ll yeah