Hipster math
hipster mathematics, sometimes shortened to “hipster math”, is a type of mathematics inherent to the lifestyle of hipsters. hipster math does not follow the rules of the cl-ssical mathematics established by trained mathematicians and taught in schools. in this sense, hipster math is a form of “experimental” or “quantum” mathematics.
for example, it is well understood in cl-ssical mathematics that if a bank account contains a finite amount of funds, then the combination of having no fixed income with repeatedly withdrawing money from said bank account to finance lattes, flat whites, tighter and tighter jeans, tom’s shoes, outrageous sungl-sses, the latest iphone, ironic cigarettes, and obscure art magazines will eventually produce a zero or even negative balance. however, even hipsters with absolutely no income whatsoever (i.e. hipsters without even a token job at a video rental shop or as a barista) are able to continually and indefinitely finance such frivolities. another interesting aspect of hipster math is that whenever you think you have counted all the hipsters in an urban park, there are always at least three or four more lurking about that somehow escaped the count, despite the fact that they are strumming guitars and singing loudly and are clearly visible in vibrant hipster uniforms.
“dude, i think i have seen the same hipster going into that gentrified greasy spoon every night to chow down on a grilled cheese + lobster sandwich, crinkle-cut sweet potato fries, and an ethically-sourced lingonberry milkshake while listening to the kooks in his beats headphones and simultaneously scanning pitchfork and a henry james novel. he follows it all up with a latte macchiato and four or five peruvian-chocolate-topped sheeps’ b-tter biscotti. how is he losing weight instead of gaining it?”
“don’t worry about it, man. it’s just hipster math.”
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