Hipsterpes
when you exchange fluids with a hipster, you run the serious risk of having hipsterpes. unprotected s-xual intercourse, unprotected sharing of a vegan meal, unprotected drinking in the same cup of tea, unprotected kissing or shaking of hands or any other exchange of fluids can lead to this serious disease. some accounts of unprotected typing on the same 18th century typewriter have proven to be lethal. don’t risk it, if you spot a hipster, be safe and avoid all physical contact. if possible, you might want to report him or her to the local authorities to be taken care of or put down.
symptoms may include some of the following: discomfort when eating meat, loss of fashion sense, growth of ironic facial hair, poetry, feeling of false superiority, loss of taste in music, non-prescription lenses, need to tell everyone how awesome you are, interest in self-help books, knitting, and many more. if in doubt, contact the nearest health center.
chris: hey bro, we are having meat monday at my place tonight! see you there!
sam: sorry dude, i had s-x with this hipster chick yesterday… can’t eat meat anymore for some reason.
chris: you have hipsterpes! don’t touch me!
sam: besides… i have much better values than you, i buy all my clothes used, i practice yoga and i listen to the shins!
-chris calls the local authorities-
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