Search

verb, pertaining to david h-sselhoff.

to be hoffed – to be sent h-m-erotic images of david h-sselhoff in questionable outfits/poses with various props/animals. considered an extreme insult, the most common form of hoffing is done through electronic mail although various new and inventive methods have recently been discovered. the first ever hoffing is said to have taken place in 1997 in the town of heidelberg in germany where david h-sselhoff is an extremely popular singer. according to urban legend, a young male high school student sent the david h-sselhoff calendar (if you have never seen this consider yourself lucky) to a girl he had a crush on in an attempt to woo her. the attempt backfired when the horrified girl choked on a chicken sandwich which she was eating whilst opening the calendar. the act of hoffing has since spread from smalltown germany to the mainstream claiming thousands of victims. although not usually resulting in loss of life, a hoffing can lead to severe psychological trauma, temporary loss of motor function and 9 times out of 10 it will affect the hoffee’s up-chuck mechanism.
oh, sweet mother of jesus, f-ckk!!!!! i’ve been hoffed again! i’ll never open my email again.

that guy is such a b-tt-f-cking loser! i’m gonna send him a hoffing he will never forget!
used to describe a large amount of body hair.
wow! look at the hoff of chest hair on him!
noun, pertaining to david h-sselhoff

common usage “the hoff”, implying that he is the original hoff to which all other usages are derived.

not contrained by his h-t tv shows “nightrider” and “baywatch” or an obvious lack of acting, singing and modelling talent, the hoff has become a post 80’s email hit.

clearly the act of “hoffing” (see further definitions of hoff) has escalated in recent times. the quick and efficient medium of email has made this crime against humanity too easy and the victims of hoff & hoff related emails crime unit (vohhrecu) has seen a dramatic rise in hoff related violence, psychosis, and even suicide.

hoff related emails have also been on the increase. the hoff’s arch nemesis mcgyver has started an emailing war, apparently enraged at the hoff’s born-again stardom. other 80’s b-grade celebrities also involved in the “coalition of the hoff” in this war include magnum p.i., mr t, william shatner and even the enigmatic ingelbert humperd-nk.

the whole concept of the hoff is currently subject to parlimentary review and legislation is being considered to curb the disturbing trend of hoffing.
in loser speak: “the hoff is cool”

in teenage girl loser denial: “i love the hoff and when i grow up, i’m going to marry him!”

in general terms: “man, the hoff is such a f-g”

in hoff related violent state: “stop f-cking sending me f-cking hoff emails. if you do it again i’m gonna cut rip your eyes out so i can make you watch as an overweight albino mountain gorilla soddomise your mum’s still warm and twitching corpse!!!”
when one vehemently huffs a toxic chemical out of a brown paper bag by simultaneously inhaling through the nose and mouth.
“dude, i totally got some formaldehyde from the mortician! you wanna hoff after 3rd period?”

“f-ck yeah i do bro, i’ve mastered circular breathing. that asian kids dad taught me how to do it.”

“oh, the one that’s doing your math homework?”

“f-ck yeah bro, f-ck…. yeah!
in relation to a design/artwork:

so bad it’s good
man that rainbow teeshirt is so hoff!
1) a very large man who’s s-xuality is in question.

2) a lad that wears a kiss the cook apr-n throughout the day.
so was hoff with a male or a female date tonight?, that guy is such a hoff for wearing only that apr-n.
to furiously scrub your skin, especially while bathing.
after getting a load of trash dumped on him while dumpster-diving, pablo went home and hoffed at his skin for a good hour and a half.