In The Doghouse


when your partner won’t speak to you or look at you. most will stay here for between 1-7 days until their partner has calmed down or got over their pms, pmt, general bad mood, or their angry reaction to your unacceptable behaviour (drinking binge etc). symptoms are :

– self-acceptance – that you are on the way there. you could probably stop now and be ok, but you don’t want to. for example, if you were drinking for 2 days, you may as well stay out for 3 or 4.
– denial – thinking that your wife or girlfriend will be ok when you finally decide to come home.
– bargaining – after you have been ignored for a period of time (days / hours depending on the severity of the incident), you may try to bargain to get out of the dog-house early. it is a normal reaction, but most try to do this too early. better to ride it out.
– spending – rational thinking on your part that this has gone on long enough and a willingness to spend money on your partner to get over it.
– relapse – when bargaining and spending are unsuccessful, you may decide to go on another bender, or perform the same bad behaviour.
– remorse – feeling that you have done something wrong. very rare and is only applicable is less than 0.001% of doghouse incidents.

it can be rated on a scale of 1-5.

1 – cosmetic (1 day stint in doghouse)
2 – minor (2-3 days)
3 – major (4-5 days)
4 – severe(6-7 days)
5 – epic (over 7 days) – this is generally considered more than doghouse material and more like a sh-thouse
“there comes a point in your life where women rule the roost. you think you are the boss but you’re not the boss. the missus had me in the doghouse for going on a two day bender in town just before christmas.”
15

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