instagram bitch

instagram b-tch is a highly covenant position that is not taken lightly. the instagram b-tch spends hours planning the perfect clothing, hair, makeup, accessories, location, and lighting in which to take the perfect selfie to later edit and filter to ensure that it looks candid and natural. the instagram b-tch is typically under 30 and can spend upwards of $7k on an outfit and never wear it again, and they definitely want to show you their new chanel boy bag! they love to talk about “bold colors”, “nude” lips, and stacked lashes. sometimes they use their children to push adds and sponsors. they want to make sure that you always know what their “faves” are. however, these are typically based on who their sponsor of the week is. the instagram b-tch wasn’t always an instagram b-tch, no, if you look back 255 weeks into their account you can often see the remnants of a “regular” person wearing non designer clothing and posting pictures of their family and friends- before the selfies took over. however, the excessive followers, likes, and comments eventually blew up and gave the instagram b-tch their final crowning touch- a huge ego.

basically, the instagram b-tch (ib) is a person who wears scantly clad clothing (that they typically get for free), heavy makeup, and are always trying to sell you things that you don’t need (waist cinches, detox tea, protein shakes, ridiculous jewelry, and carb blockers).

however, despite the manufactured beauty you simply cannot look away!
amy: “have you seen pink peonies, jayde nicole, and amrezy’s new outfits?!”
leela: “no.. i am not sure who you are talking about….”
amy: ” duh.. get on instagram! oh…hey, have you seen my mail, i am waiting for my detox tea and waist clincher to come?”
leela:”oh…. you must mean those instagram b-tches, right?”