It Was My Privilege
a phrase that is used jokingly by a male individual to acknowledge and exaggerate the concept of “male privilege” or patriarchy as inspiration for their actions in a given situation. (also: “it was a privilege”)
“go on a date with girl.
take her to nice restaurant.
she orders a shrimp c-cktail and several drinks.
ask for the check.
the waiter places the check in front of me, not in front of her, not in the middle of the table.
look of horror comes across the girl’s face.
i reach for the check and place my credit card inside.
she begins to tremble.
tears well up in her eyes.
i can tell she is paralyzed by fear at the oppression she is experiencing.
i chauvinistically place the check with my credit card on the table in front of me, daring her to do something about it.
the power of my oppression of this woman surges through my body as i lean back in my seat and stare directly at her.
she is shaking with fright, the oppression strangling her voice away.
the waiter returns to take the check away.
all is lost to her now.
men at the other tables begin to stand up and clap.
women all over the restaurant begin to shriek and cry.
i feel my erect p-n-s lift the tablecloth in front of me.
i ask my date, “did you enjoy your dinner?”
“y-yes… thank you,” she says behind a mask of tears.
i lean forward, a devious, patriarchal smile spreading across my face.
and i tell her: “it was my privilege.”
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