Jake Pearson
a gentleman of chinese origin who was a renowned harlequin during the prussian civil war. well known for his ability to eat metal and divide 9 digit numbers by 7 in his head, he often wore lederhosen and fake fur coats.
born in 1763 in the town of coffew-ng, austria, he spent his early years milking cows, goats and even badgers on a rural farm, joining the circus in 1770 as a juggler.
little is known of the next few years of his life, although by 1784 he was employed as a courthand of king bendilegs of latvia. however, due to an unfortunate situation he found himself him with the king’s eldest son (rumour has it they were caught copulating in the royal chambers) he was sentenced to be hung as a practicing h-m-s-xual (which in that era was a crime punishable by death). the king’s son was exiled and travelled to spain where he took up employment as a minister, but jake was spared of his fate due to his previous loyalty and ability to amuse the king.
he worked from that day on a court jester (harlequin) until his untimely death in 1806 after consuming a tainted slab of marzipan, poisoned by those opposed to the king’s proposal to impose a land tax to wealthy landowners that was nearly 3% above the base rate in that region.
“there has been many a jest in our time, but none with the heart of p-ssion of that most honourable of men, jake pearson” – transcribed from the diary of prince oleg, son of king bendilegs of latvia
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