Kielder

1 • a small village in northumberland, england.

2 • the area around kielder village, which contains kielder forest, the largest man-made forest in europe, and kielder water, a drinking water reservoir.
kielder is noted as a tourist attraction spot despite being plagued with uncanny amounts of rain, small mosquito-like flies called midges (pr-n. mid-jees), poor road networks and complete lack of anywhere to buy cake for less than £2.

if you manage to see a blue sky whilst at kielder you obviously ate one of the funny purple growths on the trunk of a pine tree and are hallucinating. it always rains, even in winter where the average temperature is 20ºf

you have three choices for entertainment: look at things, sleep, or go home. well technically four, but walking round a reservoir in the rain being eaten alive by midges usually only holds appeal for fishermen and those escaped from mental asylums.

on that note, there is a military base a few miles to the east. many suspect the near-constant rainfall has something to do with secret testing, the remainder suspect that it is because kielder borders scotland.