Kirby 64
the complete name of the game is kirby 64: the crystal shards, but obviously n-body has time to say anything but kirby 64.
kirby 64 is a n64 game that asks the player to move kirby through 7 worlds at 2 miles per hour. there is a very engaging power-mixing mechanic that grants kirby some cool abilities. however, as soon as you discover the light-saber/ninja star/fireworks/triple rockets, you will constantly be returning to the first 3 levels to acquire the ability you desire.
eventually you will crawl your way to a boss called miracle matter, who has 5 bad abilities, 1 good ability, and 1 amazing ability (you know which one i’m talking about, the one that rhymes with “shmelectric shmazers”).
then, you must collect all of the crystal shards. this usually involves reaching the very end of a level using a terrible combo. if you don’t have the last 4 shards (and these are always the last 4), melt the ice on the ceiling with fire, snowball the lava mound on the floor, shoot a fire arrow at the sun on the floor, and use one of the mammal-y stone animals to climb the wall. you’re welcome.
once you get all of the shards, there is a final boss battle with a one-eyed angel thing called zero-two. you cannot kill him just by shooting his eye. i had to figure that out the hard way.
also, if you claim that you beat the fruit catching mini-game on insane, you are lying because i’m fairly sure that the programmers made it impossible.
player 1: i beat kirby 64 in 2 hours!
me: with that movement speed? i don’t think so!
player 2: i beat the fruit catching mini-game on kirby 64 on insane.
me: liar!
player 3: kirby 64 is one of the best n64 games of all time!
me: well, i can’t argue with that.
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