Kraken

the kraken is, specifically speaking, supposed to be a sea monster with no distinctive traits. however, it has become fixed with the image of a big, bad–ss squid that f-cks up everything whenever it appears.

you may recognize the kraken from such things as:
1) video games – final fantasy, golden sun, etc.
2) literature – 20,000 leagues under the sea, the kraken, etc.
3) movies – pirates of the caribbean: dead man’s chest, clash of the t-tans, etc.

and much more. all you need to know is that the kraken is bad-ss and it will own -sses whenever it appears.
1) i was playing golden sun on my gameboy advance and i was making good progress when the kraken appeared and repeatedly kicked my -ss.

2) i read michael crichton’s sphere, which features the kraken. needless to say, the kraken opened a huge can of whoop -ss on the characters.
-a nasty v-g-n-
-female pudenda featuring cephalopod extensions, teeth, and a squirting phlegm-like substance
-monster cooch
-a v-g-n- of such monstrous, epic proportions and girth that it can devour a man whole. only found in the wild.

also called:
-gaping v-g-n- monster
-monstro-c-nt
-octop-ssy
“man, we were about to get it on last night, but then she whipped out her kraken and i grabbed my hand-cuffs and got the f-ck out.”
a mythical sea beast that lived 250 years ago. he’s a m-ssive monster with tentacles, big bug eyes, multicolored skin, and a r-t-rded wiggley smile. the absolute worst of the worst, just f-cking rude, smug, good for nothing, worthless punk -ss b-tch. straight up needs to see a plastic surgeon because no living creature should have such a f-cked up wiggley smile. nothing more than a sh-t eating, friend stealing, back stabbing, lying, cheating, sailor killing, boat tipping, f-cking tentacle having freak who should get the f-ck out of the ocean because every single living soul in the world despises him. literally the dirt under your shoes that is so repulsive it makes you want to rip out your eyes and donate them to a blind person, only to kill that blind person because that sh-t was so down right gross, just f-cking raunchy. the most ugly, white trash, baby stealing, sh-t eating mother f-cker, just f-cking sitting around all day smiling. straight trash.
“the kraken killed every single person i know because it knew a guy who knew me. he burned my house down too.”

“yo man, i’m sorry to hear about that. i heard one time the kraken sold crack to a school of cancer patients and then blew up a church and burned down all the forests on the east coast.”

“motha f-ckin jam!”
a spiced rum that gives the drinker false confidence in their abilities. they will start with the rum and continue to consume various alcoholic beverages until they are forced to succ-mb to the darkness that is the kraken. few have experienced the nightmare and survived to tell the tale.

warning: excessive use may lead to, but not limited to one of the following results… laughing, crying, dry heaves, stumbling, slurring, quickly sitting down, laying down, falling down, violently falling down, vomiting, black outs, black heads, black people, nightmares, night terrors, bad dreams, weird dreams, wet dreams, no dreams, unwanted spooning with members of both s-xes, lowered self esteem, or an unprecedented over confidence surp-ssed by none that will eventually lead to your demise in a foolish and regrettable way. (for other potential symptoms see “black the f-ck out”)

…always worth it.
(jim enters casually): oh hey there!
dean: h-llo to you good sir, to what do i owe the pleasure?
jim: i bought us a bottle of kraken…
(dean spits out his drink): you what?! you fool!!!
jim: what? i didn’t know… we can just take it back…
dean: no, no you f-ckin’ can’t. now man up and prepare to die…
an underwater erection, usually in a pool/social setting.
that hot lifeguard just gave me a hot look. now i am sporting a kraken. i’ll have to swim this off.
kraken: are legendary (usually sea) monsters of gargantuan size, said to have dwelt off the coasts of iceland and norway. the sheer size and fearsome appearance attributed to the beasts have made them common ocean-dwelling monsters in various works. (you can kill them if you have them see medusa’s eyes, at least that’s what the movie says) then you will have a big stone kraken.

engineering term: said about a gigantic move from one stage in a program or development cycle to another where unexpected and usually previously un-identifiable improbable errors/problems occur. in this particular instance, medusa can not help.
ex: “be bold, the testing is done, ‘release the kraken’ move it to the next stage!”
the area of a womens genitalia that has seen to many p-n-s’s in the same night
your chilling with a girl and she sits on every guys lap within 15mins, yea shes kraken

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