Krehbielite
pr-nounced: cray-bill-light; a sloth-like being, with unkempt patches of fur scattered about the face, forearms, and genitals; resembles a pre-domesticated yeti, but six feet tall and wears new balances; origins: the suburban olney region, the caspian sea, or a three doors down concert. krehbielites tend to abhor natural sunlight, manual labor, and the teachings of the torah/chicken soup for the m-ssive douche bag. dietary needs: tgifriday’s long island iced tea, esskay franks ala george foreman, anything that gets unsuspecting soph-m-re girls (boys?) drunk, and banana boat spf 30. daily ritual: masturbating, hating self, formulating intricate fables about dating millionaire supermodels (currently on shoot in milan), digging, crying. household concerns: routinely defecating on bathroom floor mat, dry-humping throw pillow, disregarding final notice credit card bills, and creating unprecedented amounts of filth—reducing habitat to a disjointed, chaotic ent-ty that is unsuitable for any living thing.
p-ssed-off person 1: who’s that son of a b-tch raping my west highland terrier?
p-ssed-off person 2: it’s probably one of those kerhbielites.
slightly aroused bystander: who’s the piece of -ss in the front yard?
p-ssed-off person 2: he’s a filthy krehbielite. you’ll notice the a-s-xual tattoo on the small of his back—clearly a krehbiel. is that an -ss nipple?
(now) highly aroused bystander: i’m going to leave my card. hand it to him when he’s through, would you? excuse me, i need to borrow something in your tool shed…for ten to fifteen minutes.
pr-nounced: cray-bill-light; a sloth-like being, with unkempt patches of fur scattered about the face, forearms, and genitals; resembles a pre-domesticated yeti, but six feet tall and wears new balances; origins: the suburban olney region, the caspian sea, or a three doors down concert. krehbielites tend to abhor natural sunlight, manual labor, and the teachings of the torah/chicken soup for the m-ssive douche bag. dietary needs: tgifriday’s long island iced tea, esskay franks ala george foreman, anything that gets unsuspecting soph-m-re girls (boys?) drunk, and banana boat spf 30. daily ritual: masturbating, hating self, formulating intricate fables about dating millionaire supermodels (currently on shoot in milan), digging, crying. household concerns: routinely defecating on bathroom floor mat, dry-humping throw pillow, disregarding final notice credit card bills, and creating unprecedented amounts of filth—reducing habitat to a disjointed, chaotic ent-ty that is unsuitable for any living thing
p-ssed-off person 1: who’s that b-st-rd raping my west highland terrier?
p-ssed-off person 2: it’s probably one of those kerhbielites.
slightly aroused bystander: who’s that piece of -ss in the front yard?
p-ssed-off person 2: he’s one of those filthy krehbielites. you’ll notice the a-s-xual tattoo on the small of his back—clearly a krehbiel. is that an -ss nipple?
(now) highly aroused bystander: i’m going to leave my card. just hand it to him when he’s through. i gotta go examine something in your tool shed.
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