Loch Ness

the popular huge loch located in scotland, with memorable sites still standing, such as uruquart castle, believed to be the home to scotland’s beloved nessie, the world famous loch ness monster.
“i loved that trip to loch ness, but i wish i saw nessie!”
a negative notifier. if you disapprove of anything or if it makes you sick, it’s ‘lochness’.
– “jimmy blew wind right in front of me in math cl-ss today… so i yelled ‘lochness!’ in his ear”
– “so my dad drives a hummer, and i’m like ‘dad’, ‘hummer’, same sentence?… ew, that’s lochness”
– “the just lost again! they are so lochness right now”
– “i do believe that i was so frightened that i lochnessed myself”
1) large body of water in the scotish highlands. loch ness rose to fame due to the myth of a large monster inhabiting the waters. probably the only place in scotland that american tourists are familiar with becase of:

2) a tragic film in which ted danson’s reputation was well and truly drowned.
rob: i saw loch ness the other day.

pete: in scotland?

rob: no, in the dvd bargain bucket at the petrol station.
when you p–p and the end sticks out of the water
man, i just sh-t a loch ness
if you chuck in a mythical monster which no-one in a huge crowd has ever seen, make him out to be the cutest thing since gizmo, and situate in a growing land with no-one to bother you, you’ve got one booming business!
if you go down to loch ness today you’ll see the splendors of the midgie, a fly like the mosquitoe, who attack in thousands.
or maybe the herds of yanks, who come with their m-ssive cars, fat wifes and fatter children, who pay over 30 pound to watch some acne-infested student tell them about the legend of an over-sized fish, which he reads off his hand.
in the case of an emergency, such as nessie getting kidnapped by a senile old billionaire, a fire, or 99.9% of the time, the tour guide needing a f-g break, just wait a few hours as he walks out to tend to the needs of his habit and goes to get something to eat, while you stand with a bunch of other gullible foreigners who don’t understand what exactly the receptionist was laughing about when you handed her a 100 pound note.
and after a complete waste of 2 hours, sit down and chow on a nessie burger, which can be found in the dozens of burger bars situated in loch ness.
(do not believe that the name nessie burger means that there is any source of nessie in it. it tastes more like hobo)
like that isn’t enough, come buy cute nessie dolls at the toy shops, such as nessie saying “cause im green, innit?”
or the usual “scottish stereotype being chased by a ferocious p-n-se shaped head while fishing for chips” shirt.
so, if your looking to get swindled out of your money, have your kids flesh torn apart by midgies, and all in all, sit in the pishing rain looking for your green chum nessie, come ahead.
it fab dabby dastard. (cough)
roaaaar! im nessie, i can speak over so languages and im lovable and cute, so why dont you buy your kids some of my over-expensive inexpensible merchandise? your kids will love you for years to come. unless you dont like kids. you like kids- dont you?
loch ness tourism board
the name given to every other man’s p-n-s.
i don’t care if your d-ck is the size of loch ness. if i haven’t seen it, it ain’t there.
s-x position involving two partic-p-nts. partic-p-nt a lays on his/her stomach, while partic-p-nt b inserts himself, into a’s back hole. then b stretches, to rest one knee on the middle of a’s spine. b then places hands on a’s shoulders, and begins a thrusting / pulling motion, stimulating both partners so much, climax is almost forced within seconds.
1) he loch nessed me until i went blind.

2)we nessied until i couldn’t feel anymore. then we started over.