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a school that sp-wns so low wearing, starbucks drinking, lacrosse playing, blackberry using, facebook addictied, grade worrying, dave mattew’s band listening, platt partying, shampoo clubbing, jewish practicing, nice car driving, s-x having, weed smoking, mindless alcoholic douche bags that just follow the latest trend and who think they are the celebrities of the world, when in reality, the only people that like them live in the -sshole capital of the us, the mainline. and even then, their overly dramatic friends all find ways to hate on each other cause they have nothing better to do.

all the black kids think they are cold, hard gangsters, and all the white kids think they are athletic and suave.

every one follows the same trends, and noone thinks for themselves.

all kids do on the weekends is drink and then talk about it the following monday like its the first time julie p-ssed out and the cops came.

people here also go to concerts frequently, but not for the music, just as an excuse to get drunk again.

if you want to hate your life in 4 years or less, i suggest you go to this school.

typical attire of a lower merion student

girl:
northface jacket
so low pants
uggs

guy:
sideways college hat
northface jacket
sweatpants
high black nike socks
nike shoes

typical sayings of a lower merion student

“i guess…”
“really?”
“i mean…”

douchebag 1: yo man, what are you doing this weekend?

douchebag 2: you know, going up to the platt, getting wasted and then having s-x with five girls, and then i’m going to talk about it monday in the middle of my gov cl-ss so everyone knows how cool i am, even though i’m an unoriginal -sshat who thinks i’ve pioneered the art of drinking.

overly dramatic sl-t 1: omg!!!11one liek i cant believe she would say something like that. what a f-cking b-tch!! and i cant believe that our english teacher gave us so much work liek, really?? and i cant believe that johns party got busted!!one1 and how do my so low pants, uggs, and north face jacket look today?

overly dramatic sl-t 2: i mean, really? i guessssssss. they look great as usual, and yeaaa that was sooo gay i cant wait to get f-cked by jonny tonight yayyyy

guy with a mind of his own: i need to get the f-ck out of lower merion high school.
while i would hesitate to call lower merion a vanguard of cultural and economic diversity, it is an excellent high school for those not lucky enough to attend one the fine private inst-tutions forming the lovely young adults such as my fellow linguist above. large, wealthy, and full of activity, lm is a public high school somewhere between newport and chino, but 100% main line.

p.s. of course, if you’re ever in need of barbituates or stolen malibu rum, you’ll want to try harriton.
i go to lm, i wear prada, and i do players.
the alma mater of kobe bryant, who decided to forego his ncaa eligibility and instead declared himself eligible for the 1996 nba draft with the 13th overall pick by the la lakers directly out of high school, who essentially got kobe for vlade divac.
kobe bryant is lower merion high school’s most famous alumnus.