mattituck

matt-tuck, a mini town on the east end of long island consisting of mainly middle cl-ss to upper middle cl-ss white people. known for the kids partying at beaches for approx. 30 minutes before the cops come, then moving to a local barn. soccer is like a cult. there’s always the same three people in the suffolk times newspaper from your high school. you do one ‘bad’ thing in high school, and people remember it always. you know the first and last name of each member of your approximate 100 people graduating cl-ss. you smoke marijuana on a regular basis, or know someone who deals it (or both). you think all the girls from southold suck at sports, are not pretty, and b-tchy, but you have at least one friend from there. you say you hate matt-tuck, but secretly you love it.
“what are you doing tonight?”
“i dont know, there’s nothing to do in matt-tuck”
“wanna go to baileys?, and get wasted!?”
matt-tuck is located next to cutchogue and jamesport. it is a ridiculously small town. there are about 8 and a half black people in total. the hispanic population is growing at an alarming rate, but whose isnt these days? most kids find themselves smoking weed because there isnt much else to do at all. if you screw up once, you get a reputation that will stick. all of the kids in this school that think they are “popular” will amount to nothing later on in life, and no one will give a flying sh-t about them when they go to college. walbaums is a freak show on friday nights. the strawberry festival is the single most exciting thing that happens. the school is obsessed with soccer. we dont have our own football team, the porters consists of matt-tuck southold and greenport. there are more skaters in matt-tuck then you could believe, their garb of choice is a constume consisting of ball sack squeezing pants and shoe lace belts. wierd? yeah, it is pretty disgusting. most of the guys in matt-tuck think they’re “real og’s” because they wear baggy pants and listen to lil wayne like its a religion.
matt-tuck kid 1: i f-cking hate this town, theres never sh-t to do.
matt-tuck kid 2: uhm, my mom said its okay if we smoke pot in my room since i got a good report card.
matt-tuck kid 1: f-ck yeah. lets do itttt.
matt-tuck kid 2: just tell your mom we’re going to the movies.
matt-tuck kid 1: good idea, she’ll totally buy that.
also known as mattif-ck (because nothing even f-cking happens), matt-tuck is this r-t-rded little town on the north fork of long island, ny. i live in matt-tuck and i know like six black people out of my grad cl-ss of like a hundred kids. we all smoke weed on a regular basis and get sh-tfaced on the weekends because we hate our worthless ungrateful little lives so much. kids grow up here so sheltered that we’re going to a h-ll of a hard time in the real world. our only contact with the outside world are the thousands of city people who come here to see the wineries. (it’s fun giving them wrong directions)
(john and james walk up to bob and jenny in the matt-tuck high school gym lobby)
john- hey guys i just bought a quarter, got plans after school today?
bob- i got soccer practice i cant man, maybe we’ll catch up at waldbaums later though.
jenny- i have to go back to the farm first,but ill pick you and james up with the tractor
john- okay
a pretty small town on long island where most of the kids either smoke pot, play soccer, ride dirt bikes, spend time at the beach, and get ice cream. best thing is the strawberry festival because nothing else exciting happens. at all!!!
(a typical convo between two kids from matt-tuck)
kid #1: hey wanna go get ice cream?
kid #2: nah, lets just go smoke some pot instead!!
kid #1: ok, yeh!!!!
kid #2: after that, lets go to the strawberry festival even though we went friday and sat-rday already!!
kid #1: yo im not buying another bracelet
kid #2: use the one from yesterday and we can hop the fence!!!
kid #1: ok!
matt-tuck is a small town in the middle of a corn field. if you wan to do somthing fun you can go to the movies or you can go to a winery. thats it. in matt-tuck high school scoccer is ridiculously popular. and kids have to be crazy creative because theres nothing to do. all boys do is skate board or are obsessed with thier musical instruments. girls are obsessed but the skaters and would give anything to be thier girl friends. basically the whole 7th grade gets printed in the paper for honor role. and everybody knows everybodys name in thier grade and the grade below then and ahead of them. so welcome to matt-tuck. enjoy your stay in this little boring town.
wow matt-tuck is more boring than forks minus the cullens!
good ole matt-tuck. small little -ss town with not much to do but i like it. has around 6 black kids and everybody knows eachothers first and last names. the town is about 50feet long and is becoming like the hamptons. everybody mostly fishes and hunts here and there is a bunch of rednecks here too. the rednecks where tucked flannels with there timberland boots and there ford or john deere belt buckels. everybody ride dirt bikes and quads on the weekends and the cop don’t pull you over for riding them on the road. everybody that rides goes to levlons and have to ride quads on beach to 3 towns over and it is illegal but no one gives 2 sh-ts neither does the cops. we all got big pickup trucks gas and diesel and we love to go mudding and have a good time drikin our bud heaveys and shooting our shot guns down at breakwater. smallest town ever and still it’s the greatest. everybody knows what you did before your parents know about it the next morning and we got a bunch of farms that we ride our quads and go muddin with our trucks on. we love our nascar too. and we love shooting our firearms with our gun racks in the back gl-ss of our jacked up f250’s.and we all listen to country music and we love it.also where everbodys name ends in a y such as jimmy bobby. comes 4th of july d-mn you better like fireworks cause everbody in matt-tuck does. things to do is get drunk at the beach and most of our partys are at farms and in barns or on the sand bluffs. good ole matt-tuck
you wanna go muddin down on the farm and then have a party in the barn after? answer. h-lls yeah i’ll bring the radio so we can listen to hank jr and i’ll bring the buds. don’t forget the shotguns. matt-tuck